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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.20

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 20
It is often argued that children should be motivated to be more competitive, while others feel that cooperation is a more important value to instill in youngsters. This essay will discuss both these views, before coming to the conclusion that they are equally valid. It is important that young people are pushed to be the best they can possibly be, in whatever pursuit they take part in. This drive to win boosts their work ethic and teaches them that hard work and discipline are the keys to success. For example, it was shown in a recent study by Queen’s University that students who won something in sports before they reached the age of 14, were 42% more likely to go on to third-level education than those who did not. Despite this, the development of a child requires not only a will to win, but also lessons on the value of teamwork. Working as part of a team strengthens our empathy, selflessness and make us more responsible toward others. If one were to want to win at the expense of those around us, it is likely that we would alienate our peers and become detached from any team we operate in. For example, Michael Jordan was often criticised by his coaches for being too competitive in practice and overly critical of his team mates and he had to change for the sake of his team. In conclusion, our young ones should be taught to try their best to achieve their goals, but this should also be balanced with the importance of working with others. Both are equally important and will result in a more balanced young adult.
It is
often
argued that children should
be motivated
to be more competitive, while others feel that cooperation is a more
important
value to instill in youngsters. This essay will discuss both these views,
before
coming to the conclusion that they are
equally
valid.

It is
important
that young
people
are pushed
to be the best they can
possibly
be, in whatever pursuit they
take part
in. This drive to win boosts their work ethic and teaches them that
hard
work and discipline are the keys to success.
For example
, it
was shown
in a recent study by Queen’s University that students who won something in sports
before
they reached the age of 14, were 42% more likely to go on to third-level education than those who did not. Despite this, the development of a child requires not
only
a will to win,
but
also
lessons on the value of teamwork.

Working as part of a team strengthens our empathy, selflessness and
make
us more responsible toward others. If one were to want to win at the expense of those around us, it is likely that we would alienate our peers and become detached from any team we operate in.
For example
, Michael Jordan was
often
criticised
by his coaches for being too competitive in practice and
overly
critical of his
team mates
and he had to
change
for the sake of his team.

In conclusion
, our young ones should
be taught
to try their best to achieve their goals,
but
this should
also
be balanced
with the importance of working with others. Both are
equally
important
and will result in a more balanced young adult.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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