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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples v.2

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become useful adults. 2
The topic of whether children should be raised with a competitive spirit or imbibed with the tenets of co-operation remains a very controversial issue. This essay will discuss why grooming children with a competitive sense and teaching them team work are important. However, in my opinion, I believe that children should be taught about cooperation as opposed to competition whether healthy or not. On one hand, competition drives ambition and success amongst human beings. It remains an innate part of our survival instincts as a species. Children need to be raised with a competitive spirit because it will drive them to do great things and to push themselves beyond their imagination. For instance, I was raised by highly competitive parents who tried to best each other even at basic activities. This training prepared me for the hurdles of medical school and I graduated top of my class. On the other hand, nothing great can be achieved without collaboration. The importance of team work cannot be over emphasized. One of the biggest problems with human resource is the inability to work in teams which can significantly reduce productivity and ultimately cause brain drain. Hence, children should be taught from a young age how to relate and tolerate other people. Furthermore, it allows for more influx of ideas and makes problem solving even more seamless. For example, at a point in my life in medical school, I was struggling socially because I had no friends. My highly competitive spirit made me unrelatable, hence, I could not work well with other people. It took some missed opportunities for me to retrace my steps and become better. Generally, it is a better quality to have as it makes one a productive adult. In conclusion, there is no doubt that a good amount of competitive behavior is required to thrive. In my opinion, I think that children tend to be more useful in adulthood if they are taught more about team effort and co-operation compared to competition.
The topic of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be raised
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
spirit or imbibed with the tenets of co-operation remains a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial issue. This essay will discuss why grooming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
sense and teaching them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
However
, in my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
about cooperation as opposed to competition whether healthy or not.

On one hand, competition drives ambition and success amongst human beings. It remains an innate part of our survival instincts as a species.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need to
be raised
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
spirit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will drive them to do great things and to push themselves beyond their imagination.
For instance
, I
was raised
by
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
parents who tried to best each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
even at basic activities. This training prepared me for the hurdles of medical school and I graduated top of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, nothing great can
be achieved
without collaboration. The importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
cannot be over emphasized. One of the biggest problems with human resource is the inability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
which can
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
productivity and
ultimately
cause brain drain.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
from a young age how to relate and tolerate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
for more influx of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
problem solving even more seamless.
For example
, at a point in my life in medical school, I was struggling
socially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I had no friends. My
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
spirit made me
Possible spelling mistake found.
unrelatable
,
hence
, I could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
well with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
missed opportunities for me to retrace my steps and become better.
Generally
, it is a better quality to have as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one a productive adult.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
behavior
is required
to thrive. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to be more useful in adulthood if they
are taught
more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
effort and co-operation compared to competition.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become useful adults. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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