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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.19

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 19
Nowadays, the competition between students are becoming natural because of some of the educational institutions and the parents. There were mixed opinions about the competition between students. The healthy competition leads to a good career. However, the high competition in education creates the problems to their life as well. In this essay, I will explain my opinion about both the healthy and unhealthy competition based on my knowledge. The positive side of the competition makes the students grow faster in the knowledge. In this approach, they can learn the subjects by co-operating with each other. When students start learning in this way, then they have more learning scope from others. For example, Pair programming was introduced recently in the software development. I am also part of that in my last project. When I was developing with my friend I am very sure I have learned new things from my colleague as well as my friend also the same. Coming to the other side of this, There were more incidents happened in the schools because of the competition between the schools not between the students. In this digital world, the parents and the institutions forced their children to participate in multiple aspects without their interest. With the lack of interest students are not able to offend the competition and it leads to suicides. Likewise, In India some of the survey's noticed that most of the students are not able to concentrate on their interested subjects due to the competition with outside the world. In conclusion, The parents have to take inputs from their children on what they want? And encourage them to move further on wanted things. And the institutions also motivate children and give suggestions to handle the competition, then even though they have lots of pressure with competition they will survive and continue further.
Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are becoming natural
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
educational institutions and the parents. There
were mixed
opinions about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
leads to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career.
However
, the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in education creates the problems to their life
as well
. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my opinion about both the healthy and unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
based on my knowledge.

The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
grow faster in the knowledge. In this approach, they can learn the subjects by co-operating with each other. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning in this way, then they have more learning scope from others.
For example
, Pair programming
was introduced
recently in the software development. I am
also
part of that in my last project. When I was developing with my friend I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sure I have learned new things from my colleague
as well
as my friend
also
the same.

Coming to the other side of this, There were more incidents happened in the schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between the schools not between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In this digital world, the parents and the institutions forced their children to participate in multiple aspects without their interest. With the lack of interest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not able to offend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and it leads to suicides.
Likewise
, In India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the survey's noticed that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not able to concentrate on their interested subjects due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
with outside the world.

In conclusion
, The parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take inputs from their children on what they want? And encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
further
on wanted things. And the institutions
also
motivate children and give suggestions to handle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, then
even though
they have lots of pressure with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
they will survive and continue
further
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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