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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.18

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 18
Cooperation and competition are two key components of life. Some individuals believe that competition motivates children to perform better so as to cope with a much more competitive society. However, others argue that children who are exposed by the spirit of cooperation learn best when they work cooperatively with others. This essay will examine both views, and my own opinion regarding the matter will be outlined. On the first side of the argument, competition is regarded as a sort of motivation that encourages individuals to work harder and bring out the best in them. In order words, competition pushes people forward. However, according to certain scientists, unabated competition may overall decrease in human achievement. Furthermore, some research findings have indicated that too much competition may cause poor health. Cooperation, on the other hand, despite being neglected by the educational system, many parents and the society, helps children to obtain a better sense of community, belonging and acceptance. Moreover, if children learn with each other through cooperation, they will likely carry the characteristics mentioned above with them as they mature. The fact is that too much unsupported emphasis has been put on competition while teaching young people how to cooperate does not receive the appropriate level of interest. For example, High school students in China often receive too much pressure from their parents and schools due to the fierce competition that they face on study while on the other hand, cooperation among students is seldom encouraged. In conclusion, individuals are more likely to cooperate when such cooperation would entail competing against third parties. Therefore, establishing a competitive environment has its own merits. However, in my opinion, the power of cooperation should be better recognized and individuals should be taught how to balance both cooperation and competition.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cooperation
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
are two key components of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to perform better
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
cope with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more competitive society.
However
, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are exposed
by the spirit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
learn best when they work
cooperatively
with others. This essay will examine both views, and my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion regarding the matter will
be outlined
.

On the
first
side of the argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is regarded
as a sort of motivation that encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to work harder and bring out the best in them. In order words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
pushes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
forward.
However
, according to certain scientists, unabated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
may
overall
decrease in human achievement.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research findings have indicated that too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
may cause poor health.

Cooperation, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, despite
being neglected
by the educational system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents and the society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to obtain a better sense of community, belonging and acceptance.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
, they will likely carry the characteristics mentioned above with them as they mature.

The fact is that too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
unsupported emphasis has
been put
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
while teaching young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
how to cooperate does not receive the appropriate level of interest.
For example
, High school students in China
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
receive too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
pressure from their parents and schools due to the fierce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
that they face on study while on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
among students is seldom encouraged.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are more likely to cooperate when such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
would entail competing against third parties.
Therefore
, establishing a competitive environment has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits.
However
, in my opinion, the power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
should be better recognized and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should
be taught
how to balance both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 18

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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