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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.17

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 17
Among parents and educators, there is a heated debate about what is more important to teach to children- how to compete or co-operate. Although both sides present convincing arguments, I strongly believe that both are equally vital to shape a mature adult. Supporters of cooperation indicate two main reasons why it is so crucial. Firstly, teamwork is an absolutely necessary requirement for many occupations. For instance, in the healthcare setting, if doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals did not support each other, patients would not receive the best possible care. In addition, the cooperation in this work environment seems to increase job satisfaction of multidisciplinary team members. Secondly, the input from the number of experts would be of paramount importance for any breakthrough discoveries. This is due to extremely narrow specialization in many scientific fields. For example, the creation of bionic limbs, especially arms, has included the substantial contribution from surgeons, neuroscientists, biophysicists and engineers. On the other hand, many argue that children ought to be primarily taught how to compete. First of all, competition forms the bases for the survival of humankind. This is owing to the fact that the supply does not meet the demand in plenty of situations in adult life. To illustrate this, in many sectors, fewer job positions are available compared to the number of candidates applying for them. Moreover, fair competition might provide motivation for new developments. Seeing a company which achieves success could motivate the manager of the other one to search for better ways of running the business. In conclusion, I think that cooperation and competition are complementary and equally important competencies to be taught at school. Both of them are necessary to benefit not only the society but also the individual.
Among parents and educators, there is a heated debate about
what is more
important
to teach to children- how to compete or co-operate. Although both sides present convincing arguments, I
strongly
believe that both are
equally
vital to shape a mature adult.

Supporters of cooperation indicate two main reasons why it is
so
crucial.
Firstly
, teamwork is an
absolutely
necessary requirement for
many
occupations.
For instance
, in the healthcare setting, if doctors, nurses and
other
healthcare professionals did not support each
other
, patients would not receive the best possible care.
In addition
, the cooperation in this work environment seems to increase job satisfaction of multidisciplinary team members.
Secondly
, the input from the number of experts would be of paramount importance for any breakthrough discoveries. This is due to
extremely
narrow specialization in
many
scientific fields.
For example
, the creation of bionic limbs,
especially
arms, has included the substantial contribution from surgeons,
neuroscientists
, biophysicists and engineers.

On the
other
hand,
many
argue that children ought to be
primarily
taught how to compete.
First of all
, competition forms the bases for the survival of humankind. This is owing to the fact that the supply does not
meet
the demand in
plenty
of situations in adult life. To illustrate this, in
many
sectors, fewer job positions are available compared to the number of candidates applying for them.
Moreover
,
fair
competition might provide motivation for new developments. Seeing a
company
which achieves success could motivate the manager of the
other
one to search for better ways of running the business.

In conclusion
, I
think
that cooperation and competition are complementary and
equally
important
competencies to
be taught
at school. Both of them are necessary to benefit not
only
the society
but
also
the individual.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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