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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taugh to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.13

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taugh to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 13
Recently, the debate whether parents should encourage their children to compete or not has become highly disputatious. Supporters validate, that sense of competition motivates the child to improve and helps him to detect the best out of each person and try to copy it. On the other hand, opponents proclaim that it damages the child's personality and may cause unhealthy rivalry. This essay will discuss the pros and cons regarding this issue. There is a plethora of perks regarding this issue. Not only does competing with others enthusiast the kid to be a virtuoso (the best virgin of himself), but also to have a good eye that identifies the qualities of others. Despite the fact that this may seem not essential, however having a good eye is an incurable quality, which will help him to easily compliment others. In addition, that this will help the son to be a perfectionist, which will help him to get high grades at school and work hard to accomplish his dreams. For example, when I was a kid, I used to compare myself to Sir Magdy Yacoub, the famous doctor and in order to prove to myself that I can be like him I have given away my favourite outfit to the poor people. Also imagine if everyone compare himself to his sport's captain, dream and work hard to fulfil his dream, this would definitely boost our health level to a great extend. Finally, comparing is the key to find the best version of yourself! ! Viewing the other side of the coin, there are myriad of drawbacks. In addition to that it may lead to unhealthy rivalry, also it may affect the child's level of morality. It has been stated that comparisons, especially for young people may lead to lower self-esteem, which may lead to decrease their level of believing in themselves. Last but not least, if unhealthy rivalry is spread in the whole class or team, this may lead to the team failure or hiatus between the team members. For example, if you have tried to be the best in everything, this may decrease your level of self-confidence and may lead to feel down. Co-operation is way much better rather than just competing on who is the best. To cap it up, Some people believe that the habit of comparing yourself to others should be planted in the kid. Moreover, in my own point of view I think that the negative outweigh the positive, therefore we should boost their morale by convincing them that each one of us is unique and has his own identity so we shall not compete to be the best; because simply we are all perfect! !
Recently, the debate whether parents should encourage their children to compete or not has become
highly
disputatious. Supporters validate, that sense of competition motivates the child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
him to detect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
out of each person and try to copy it. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, opponents proclaim that it damages the child's personality and may cause unhealthy rivalry. This essay will discuss the pros and cons regarding this issue.

There is a plethora of perks regarding this issue. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "goes competing".
does competing
with others enthusiast the kid to be a virtuoso (the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
virgin of himself),
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
eye that identifies the qualities of others. Despite the fact that this may seem not essential,
however
having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
eye is an incurable quality, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him to
easily
compliment others.
In addition
, that this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the son to be a perfectionist, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high grades at school and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to accomplish his dreams.
For example
, when I was a kid, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to compare myself to Sir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Magdy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yacoub
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
doctor and in order to prove to myself that I can be like him I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
away my
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
outfit to the poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Also
imagine if everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "compares", "compared".
compare
himself to his sport's captain, dream and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to fulfil his dream, this would definitely boost our health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
to a great
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
.
Finally
, comparing is the key to find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
version of yourself! !

Viewing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the coin, there are myriad of drawbacks.
In addition
to that it may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to unhealthy rivalry,
also
it may affect the child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of morality. It has
been stated
that comparisons,
especially
for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to lower self-esteem, which may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to decrease their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of believing in themselves. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, if unhealthy rivalry
is spread
in the whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or team, this may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to the team failure or hiatus between the team members.
For example
, if you have tried to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
in everything, this may decrease your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of self-confidence and may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to feel down. Co-operation is way much better
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
competing on who is the best.

To cap it up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the habit of comparing yourself to others should
be planted
in the kid.
Moreover
, in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
point of view I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
,
therefore
we should boost their morale by convincing them that each one of us is unique and has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
identity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we shall not compete to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
simply
we are all perfect! !
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taugh to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
449 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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