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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.12

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 12
These days, the educational methods are still a huge matter of debate. Many people reason about the concern that prompt schools competitions is hazardous for the drawbacks that children could adsorb by this experience. Others, instead, strongly believe that competitions would enhance the children performance. There are some benefits in using competition as an educational moment. The younger would, in fact, be encouraged to do their best, especially if they are motivated by their competitive vein. The idea of challenging one another, mostly if they could achieve little prizes, would in fact solicit them in studying better and also learn how to face with some stressful situations in which you have to do your best, even under pressure (these are quite common, e. g. As in the work world). On the other hand, if children are taught to cooperate, they'd acquire one of the main soft skills that would really help them in the work context. The idea of cooperation, in fact, involves many other skills as the Adaptivity, the initiative and the ability to be part of a team work in a proper way. Moreover, mostly for the not competitive children, this method would really make them rise, without being oppressed by the ones who really love to deal with competitions. This results in younger that gain a strong background for being better adults. In conclusion, I personally believe that educational methods should be a good balance between the two aforementioned views. What I mean is that if the competition is setted more as a game than a challenge, children would appreciate it much more than classic lessons and this would leave a deeper mark on what would be taught. Moreover, if these moments are organized as little work groups, both the advantages would be achieved: to make them enjoy and also to learn how to cooperate.
These days, the educational methods are
still
a huge matter of debate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reason about the concern that prompt schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
is hazardous for the drawbacks that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could adsorb by this experience. Others,
instead
,
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
would enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
performance.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits in using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
as an educational moment. The younger would, in fact,
be encouraged
to do their best,
especially
if they
are motivated
by their competitive vein. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of challenging one another,
mostly
if they could achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
prizes, would in fact solicit them in studying better and
also
learn how to face with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stressful situations in which you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do your best, even under pressure (these are quite common,
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
world).

On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
to cooperate, they'd acquire one of the main soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that would
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
context. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of cooperation, in fact, involves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Adaptivity
, the initiative and the ability to be part of a team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
.
Moreover
,
mostly
for the not competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, this method would
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them rise, without
being oppressed
by the ones who
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
. This results in younger that gain a strong background for being better adults.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that educational methods should be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
balance between the two aforementioned views. What I mean is that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
setted
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
a game than a challenge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would appreciate it much more than classic lessons and this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a deeper mark on what would
be taught
.
Moreover
, if these moments
are organized
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
groups, both the advantages would
be achieved
: to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them enjoy and
also
to learn how to cooperate.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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