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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co operate rather than compete become more useful adults Discuss both these views and give your opinions. v.11

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co operate rather than compete become more useful adults v. 11
While a sense of competition is essential to thrive in today’s dog eat dog world, many people think to become an useful adult, children should be taught to cooperate rather than compete. This essay will discuss both these views and will give a clear opinion on the same. Personally, I believe it is imperative that we impart a sense of competition in our children. In these stressful times where we have unemployment on the rise, a sense of competition of being the best, will certainly help the child achieve more in life. It is this zest of being the best which pushes him to never give up. By instilling such a mental attitude, the child can go a long way ahead in his life. This frame of mind will not only help him in his childhood but also in his adulthood. Parenting in such a way is commonly known as ‘Tiger Parenting’. Such kind of parenting has serious detrimental effects on the child. Although, parenting in such a way, may help the child this inadvertently puts tremendous pressure on him to perform. This can lead to dangerous consequences, from having a poor mental attitude to being an insubordinate child to having a serious mental disorder. A balanced way out of this would be where the child is taught to be cooperative and helpful to others, and at the same time be proficient enough to be the best in class. Such an intricate balance is sometimes difficult to maintain, but none the less should never discouraged. To conclude, I agree with the statement, that a sense of competition needs to be taught to children to help them succeed in life.
While a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is essential to thrive in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
dog eat dog
world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to become
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
useful adult, children should
be taught
to cooperate
rather
than compete. This essay will discuss both these views and will give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
opinion on the same.

Personally
, I believe it is imperative that we impart a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in our children. In these stressful
It is better to use 'times' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "times when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
times where
we have unemployment on the rise, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
of being the best, will
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
achieve more in life. It is this zest of being the best which pushes him to never give up. By instilling such a mental attitude, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can go a long way ahead in his life. This frame of mind will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him in his childhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in his adulthood.

Parenting in such a way is
commonly
known as ‘Tiger Parenting’. Such kind of parenting has serious detrimental effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Although, parenting in such a way, may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
this
inadvertently
puts tremendous pressure on him to perform. This can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
consequences, from having a poor mental attitude to being an insubordinate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to having a serious mental disorder.

A balanced way out of this would be where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is taught
to be cooperative and helpful to others, and at the same time be proficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be the best in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. Such an intricate balance is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
difficult to maintain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This word is normally spelled as one.
none the less
should never discouraged.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
needs to
be taught
to children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them succeed in life.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co operate rather than compete become more useful adults v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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