Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.10

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 10
People have different views about whether children should be taught to be competitive or co-operative. While a spirit of competition can sometimes be useful in life, I believe that the ability to co-operate is more important. On the one hand, competition can be a great source of motivation for children. When teachers use games or prizes to introduce an element of competitiveness into lessons, it can encourage children to work harder to outdo the other pupils in the class. This kind of healthy rivalry may help to build children’s self confidence, while pushing them to work independently and progress more quickly. When these children leave school, their confidence and determination will help them in competitive situations such as job interviews. It can therefore be argued that competition should be encouraged in order to prepare children for adult life. On the other hand, it is perhaps even more important to prepare children for the many aspects of adult life that require co-operation. In the workplace, adults are expected to work in teams, follow instructions given by their superiors, or supervise and support the more junior members of staff. Team collaboration skills are much more useful than a competitive determination to win. This is the attitude that I believe schools should foster in young people. Instead of promoting the idea that people are either winners or losers, teachers could show children that they gain more from working together. In conclusion, I can understand why people might want to encourage competitiveness in children, but it seems to me that a co-operative attitude is much more desirable in adult life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
to be competitive or co-operative. While a spirit of competition can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be useful in life, I believe that the ability to co-operate is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the one hand, competition can be a great source of motivation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. When teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
games or prizes to introduce an element of competitiveness into lessons, it can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to work harder to outdo the other pupils in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. This kind of healthy rivalry may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
self
The word 'confidence' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
confidence
, while pushing them to work
independently
and progress more
quickly
. When these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
school, their
The word 'confidence' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
confidence
and determination will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in competitive situations such as job interviews. It can
therefore
be argued
that competition should
be encouraged
in order to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for adult life.

On the other hand
, it is perhaps even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of adult life that require co-operation. In the workplace,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to work in teams, follow instructions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their superiors, or supervise and support the more junior members of staff. Team collaboration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are much more useful than a competitive determination to win. This is the attitude that I believe schools should foster in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Instead
of promoting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are either winners or losers, teachers could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they gain more from working together.

In conclusion
, I can understand why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might want to encourage competitiveness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it seems to me that a co-operative attitude is much more desirable in adult life.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts