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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 1
The majority of people believe that children should be motivated by competition spirit, while others argue that cooperation helps them to be better citizens. From my perspective, I think children in collaboration with others is better than conflicts for many reasons. First and foremost, there is a variety of benefits that teamwork can bring to children. Coordination is one of the most fundamental factors that can build soft skill and improve public speaking effectively. Through collaboration with other members in a team, a kid has a tendency to learn how to solve problems and understand his teammates better. It is needless to say that interaction with friends is a good way for children to reduce study burdens at schools. Most students are keen on taking part in team activities since at that time, they can not only study but also play fascinating games or other amazing things. As a result, subjects would not be tedious theories anymore, replaced by exciting lessons and they are likely to encourage every child to reach their full potential. On the other hand, we must admit that competition plays a prominent role in life. Rivalry enables to evoke ambition within every child, supporting them to practice their independence and self-discipline. For instance, talented students in gifted high schools are regularly under high pressure of achievements; therefore, they normally strive their best to look for more efficient study methods to increase their scores. The other thing listed as its positive sides is that innovation usually stems from competition. Thanks to fighting for victory in a scientific contest, for example, a schoolboy is able to invent practical yet different applications that contribute to society development. In conclusion, while competitive environment can have more positive effects on children, it is undoubted that merits of team spirit still overshadow.
The majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be motivated
by competition spirit, while others argue that cooperation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to be better citizens. From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in collaboration with others is better than conflicts for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

First
and foremost, there is a variety of benefits that teamwork can bring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Coordination is one of the most fundamental factors that can build soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public speaking
effectively
. Through collaboration with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members in a team, a kid has a tendency to learn how to solve problems and understand his teammates better. It is needless to say that interaction with friends is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
study burdens at schools. Most students are keen on taking part in team activities since at that time, they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
play fascinating games or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
amazing things.
As a result
, subjects would not be tedious theories anymore, replaced by exciting
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lessons and
they are likely to encourage every child to reach their full potential.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that competition plays a prominent role in life. Rivalry enables to evoke ambition within every child, supporting them to practice their independence and self-discipline.
For instance
, talented students in gifted high schools are
regularly
under high pressure of achievements;
therefore
, they
normally
strive their best to look for more efficient study methods to increase their scores. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
thing listed as its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides is that innovation
usually
stems from competition. Thanks to fighting for victory in a scientific contest,
for example
, a schoolboy is able to invent practical
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
applications that contribute to society development.

In conclusion
, while competitive environment can have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it
is undoubted
that merits of team spirit
still
overshadow.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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