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Some people that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of the sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give y v.2

Some people that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of the sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. 2
Although, it is sometimes said that building more sport facilities is the most effective method to improve and develop public health, others though that more measures are needed to give more impact on public health. In my opinion, I consider that huge amount of sport facilities in the area helps a lot to develop public health. On the one hand, some people say that the number of the activity institutions help people to get motivated and starting to care about their health issues and I agree. In other words, looking at some people, who is doing some activities, turns point for others and gives signal to start new activities and sports. For example, people generally begin to think about sports when people around them have already became active, so they also want to do it like others. Furthermore, caring about their health is vital in order to release stress, which is most common issues, they need to try doing sports or activities. On the other hands, it is often believed that there need other requirements to improve health in better ways. As living in stressful situation, only doing some exercise will not help to stay healthy, so people need to care about their diet. For example, people need to decrease income of the saturated fat, which can cause cardiovascular problems, and try to eat more vegetable to take some essential vitamins. Moreover, changing their lifestyle in to new healthy style can improve mental and physical health in both ways To sum up, people may vary in their opinions, I think that people can be more healthy than before If there are lots of facilities to do physical activities and sports.
Although, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
said that building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities is the most effective method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and develop public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, others though that more measures
are needed
to give more impact on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In my opinion, I consider that huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities in the area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a lot to develop public health.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that the number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated and starting to care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, looking at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who is doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, turns point for others and gives signal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them have already became active,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
also
want to do it like others.
Furthermore
, caring about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is vital in order to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
common issues, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to try doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or activities.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hands, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
requirements to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in better ways. As living in stressful situation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercise will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to stay healthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to care about their diet.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to decrease income of the saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, which can cause cardiovascular problems, and try to eat more vegetable to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential vitamins.
Moreover
, changing their lifestyle in to new healthy style can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
mental and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in both ways

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be more healthy than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
If there are lots of facilities to do physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of the sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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