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Some people says that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, says that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people says that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, says that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 1
Some societies claim that, the best way to develop community health is by expanding the total number of fitness facilities. While, others suggest that, improving physical activity needs have very small proportion of effect on people's well being and, various parameters need to be discussed for implementation to improve them, from the deficiencies. In my opinion, While, sports play a major role in keeping a body fit, diet is another important key that needs to be considered to be strong. On the one hand, Public thinks that, games helps an individual in reducing cholesterol and, further, keeping them away from technology, leading them to live a happy and, also a healthy life. For example, Most of the human beings believe that, toddlers and, adults are becoming more focused on games, that are operated on mobile phones and, laptops, leading to make them isolated in a particular place, and, these kind of events can possess a threat of a major proportion of the population. Hence, these kind of consequences can be avoided by engaging a person more on social activities rather than, recent machines. On the other hand, though, the world continues to pursue, number of trials to reduce innovation tools and, increase athletic events. Diet plays a significant aspect in controlling normal livelihood. For example, Many athletic programmes are conducted, to compress the risk of illness and, spread a fresh beginning. But, this cannot be possible, when legal bodies continue to encourage and, allow to introduce new food centres that are harmful, which further, push them back from also participating in the energetic fast. Finally, In conclusion, I conclude that, While, territories and, continents strive hard to improve the current scenario of commonwealth health. This can only be achieved by mutual coordination and, collaboration between nations and, localities with a common goal, to reduce machinery, and, also to control the diet, which is further beneficial to younger future generations.
Some
societies claim that, the best way to develop community health is by expanding the total number of fitness facilities. While, others suggest that, improving physical activity needs have
very
small
proportion of effect on
people
's
well being
and, various parameters need to
be discussed
for implementation to
improve
them, from the deficiencies. In my opinion, While, sports play a major role in keeping a body fit, diet is another
important
key that needs to
be considered
to be strong.

On the one hand, Public
thinks
that, games
helps
an individual in reducing cholesterol and,
further
, keeping them away from technology, leading them to
live
a happy and,
also
a healthy life.
For example
, Most of the human beings believe that, toddlers and, adults are becoming more focused on games, that
are operated
on mobile phones and, laptops, leading to
make
them isolated in a particular place, and,
these kind
of
events
can possess a threat of a major proportion of the population.
Hence
,
these kind
of consequences can
be avoided
by engaging a person more on social activities
rather
than, recent machines.

On the other hand
, though, the world continues to pursue, number of trials to
reduce
innovation tools and, increase athletic
events
. Diet plays a significant aspect in controlling normal livelihood.
For example
,
Many
athletic
programmes
are conducted
, to compress the
risk
of illness and, spread a fresh beginning.
But
, this cannot be possible, when legal bodies continue to encourage and,
allow
to introduce
new food
centres
that are harmful, which
further
, push them back from
also
participating in the energetic
fast
.

Finally
,
In conclusion
, I conclude that, While, territories and, continents strive
hard
to
improve
the
current
scenario of commonwealth health. This can
only
be achieved
by mutual coordination and, collaboration between nations and, localities with a common goal, to
reduce
machinery, and,
also
to control the diet, which is
further
beneficial to younger future generations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people says that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, says that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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