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Some people say that the best way to improve public heath is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own v.2

Some people say that the best way to improve public heath is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. 2
Declining level of health in the general population is becoming a common problem o modern societies. Some argue that better access to sports facilities can solved this problem, whereas others feel this would not have significant effect on enhanced public health. This essay agrees that provide education at primary school to increase awareness among children will be more beneficial for society rather than better access to sports equipment. Some people are convinced that today’s sedentary lifestyle and stressful work are main reasons that physical activity is no longer part of our everyday life. If they were easy-to-reach local sports centres, they would be more likely to do exercise regularly. However, in my opinion people prefer to spend their leisure time in front of a TV screen rather than be active due to lack of awareness how important is being fitness. Therefore, the better way to enhanced public health is educating as young as children how important is physical activity and healthy diet. Primary school programmes should encourage children to do daily activity. Children need to know how important is everyday movement, even so simple like playing in park with parents or go for a walk. It should become common habit for everyone. Moreover, school should provide healthy diet for children and teach them which products should be eaten more often and which should be avoided. After this kind of education children become healthier and more active as an adults. In conclusion, focusing on sports equipment is beneficial for people who are already physical actively but would not have significant influence on increasing public health generally. To do that, government through school education should encourage children and young people to do more exercise and healthy lifestyle in general.
Declining level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the general population is becoming a common problem o modern societies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that better access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities can solved this problem, whereas others feel this would not have significant effect on enhanced public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that provide education at primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to increase awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be more beneficial for society
rather
than better access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipment.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are convinced
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s sedentary lifestyle and stressful work are main reasons that physical activity is no longer part of our everyday life. If they were easy-to-reach local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, they would be more likely to do exercise
regularly
.
However
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to spend their leisure time in front of a TV screen
rather
than be active due to lack of awareness how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is being fitness.

Therefore
, the better way to enhanced public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is educating as young as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is physical activity and healthy diet. Primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do daily activity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need to know how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is everyday movement, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
simple like playing in park with parents or go for a walk. It should become common habit for everyone.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should provide healthy diet for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and teach them which products should
be eaten
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and which should
be avoided
. After this kind of education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become healthier and more active as
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an adult" or simply "adults"?
an adults
.

In conclusion
, focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipment is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are already physical
actively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would not have significant influence on increasing public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
generally
. To do that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do more exercise and healthy lifestyle
in general
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public heath is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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