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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. v.2

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. v. 2
Every few years, the World Health Organization (WHO) runs a survey to assess the level of life expectancy in various countries all around the globe. One of its key parameters is public health. This fact solely shows that communities’ health is of vital importance, due to its direct tie to productivity and public expenses. The more a country’s population becomes healthy, the more workforce efficiency and the less medical costs are expected. However, the major question is, whether it could be provided only by improving sports facilities or not. This important issue is a place of a dispute between the two groups. I intend to put this contentious subject into the debate in terms of two groups’ points of view. There is no doubt both parties of discussion are unanimous on the importance of public health improvement; Nevertheless, they split on “How? ”. A group of people believes that the advancement of sport areas and facilities like swimming pools, gyms, etc. is the only way to refine the citizens' health condition. Although the other group says it is a generally good idea but is not enough. Owing to there are so many other factors e. g. air quality, nourishment quality, lifestyle, and so on, which have the same amount of impact, in not more effective, for every member of society. Recently, I have read an article in which scientists had investigated what indicators have a remarkable impact on everyone’s health condition during its life span. Results had shown two dozen factors e. g. social life, amount of connection and exposure to the environment, and alcohol drinking habits among many others could influence your life quality. This scientific paper has given me the impression that if any government aims to have a healthy society, it should provide so many circumstances along with sports facilities and amenities. Overall, having compared both points of view, obviously reveals that a good solution to boost any community’s wellbeing factors should comprise more than just building a bunch of structures. In my point of view, this attitude without considering other elements can do more harm than good, because should the health budget centralized in the sports sector, the other parts will suffer from neglect. As a result, adopting a comprehensive and integrated approach could be the master key and panacea for tackling this very area. There is more to this subject than meets the eye, and I only could scratch the surface in these few minutes.
Every few years, the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Organization (WHO) runs a survey to assess the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy in various countries all around the globe. One of its key parameters is public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This fact
solely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that communities’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is of vital importance, due to its direct tie to productivity and public expenses. The
Did you mean "a more country"?
more a country
’s population becomes healthy, the more workforce efficiency and the less medical costs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
However
, the major question is, whether it could
be provided
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities or not. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue is a place of a dispute between the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. I intend to put this contentious subject into the debate in terms of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups’
points of view.

There is no doubt both parties of discussion are unanimous on the importance of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
improvement;
Nevertheless
, they split on “How? ”. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes that the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
areas and facilities like swimming pools, gyms, etc. is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to refine the
Possible spelling mistake found.
citizens&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
says it is a
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. Owing to there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
air quality, nourishment quality, lifestyle, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which have the same amount of impact, in not more effective, for every member of society. Recently, I have read an article in which scientists had investigated what indicators have a remarkable impact on everyone’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition during its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span. Results had shown two dozen factors
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, amount of connection and exposure to the environment, and alcohol drinking habits among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others could influence your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality. This scientific paper has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
me the impression that if any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
aims to have a healthy society, it should provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
circumstances along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities and amenities.

Overall
, having compared both points of view,
obviously
reveals that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution to boost any community’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
factors should comprise more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
building a bunch of structures. In my point of view, this attitude without considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
elements can do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
should the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget centralized in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
sector, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parts will suffer from neglect.
As a result
, adopting a comprehensive and integrated approach could be the master key and panacea for tackling this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
area. There is more to this subject than meets the eye, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
could scratch the surface in these few minutes.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
410 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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