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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. v.1

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. v. 1
With the rapid development of science and technology, television, as a new invention of the 20th century was becoming very populous in people’s life. People can be informed of the latest news and enjoy the colourful programs at home. In my opinion, television will not affect children’s creativity as exaggerated. Firstly, television is the most effective tool to inform children of the latest news and scientific development over the world. Television tells us the recent development of some researches, such as clean technology, Genetic breakthroughs, the new computing technology and so on, which can stimulate the imagination of children and encourage them to carry out relevant experiments, making new findings and breakthroughs in their study Secondly, some programs like adventures and geography can enlarge children’s knowledge of the scope. With the emerge of information technology, the knowledge in textbooks cannot satisfy children’s curiosity any more. Children need to learn wider knowledge and know more about our world. Programs like adventures can cultivate children’s creativity and the ability to tackle difficult; programs like geography can teach children about knowledge, about different countries in the world and initiate their aspiration to know about the nature; programs about science can inspire children’s interest in science and technology. However, the improper programs on television sometimes play negative role in the growth of children. The shots about violence, crimes and pornography contents are making children walk on the criminal road. To sum up, I believe that television will not influence children’s creativity. But meanwhile, the government and the whole society should do their utmost to prohibit the unhealthy contents on TV and provide the children with a clean growing environment
With the rapid development of science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
invention of the 20th century was becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
populous in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
be informed
of the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and enjoy the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
at home. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
will not affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
creativity as exaggerated.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is the most effective tool to inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and scientific development over the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us the recent development of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researches, such as clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, Genetic breakthroughs, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
computing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which can stimulate the imagination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and encourage them to carry out relevant experiments, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
findings and breakthroughs in their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
study


Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
like adventures and geography can enlarge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of the scope. With
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'emerge' is correct. If 'emerge' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the emerge
of information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in textbooks cannot satisfy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
curiosity
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need to learn wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and know more about our world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Programs
like adventures can cultivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
creativity and the ability to tackle difficult;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
like geography can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries in the world and initiate their aspiration to know about the nature;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
about science can inspire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
interest in science and technology.

However
, the improper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
role in the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The shots about violence, crimes and pornography contents are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
walk on the criminal road.

To sum up, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
will not influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
creativity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
meanwhile, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the whole society should do their utmost to prohibit the unhealthy contents on TV and provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a clean growing
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
environment
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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