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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.9

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 9
Stepping into healthy society is one most debated issue these days. There are a number of people who believed public health will elevate by sport equipment. While, alternative thinkers are of the conviction that the effect of which is low and to increase public health we should use other measurements. This essay will elaborate on both views from a general perspective. The first and probably the most significant reason for the first opinion is by seeing that equipment all over the town people will get motivated and do more exercises. So people are striving to achieve a healthy life when they go on a simple walk with their friends. For instance, I remember last week I was to walk with my friend in one the biggest public parks and was talking to each other by seeing sports facilities on the park we stopped by and start do some exercises. The day after that I felt so energetic I decide to indulge myself to one regular sport activity. Furthermore, the serotonin which release during the activities reduced the pressure and stresses away from me. Regarding to next attitude, this is only temporary and people should attend some daily activities and measure their health and well-being. They should be careful about their diet and follow a nutritious. So, accompanying daily diet with a regular sport activity and systematic review measurement on a healthy diet will gain well- being and public health in the society. In the light of these facts one can conclude that, it is important to balance sport activities and health diet to increase public health and well-being in society.
Stepping into healthy society is one most debated issue these days. There are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will elevate by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
equipment. While, alternative thinkers are of the conviction that the effect of which is low and to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other measurements. This essay will elaborate on both views from a general perspective.

The
first
and
probably
the most significant reason for the
first
opinion is by seeing that equipment all over the town
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated and do more exercises.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are striving to achieve a healthy life when they go on a simple walk with their friends.
For instance
, I remember last week I was to walk with my friend in one the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
parks and was talking to each other by seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities on the park we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
by and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises. The day after that I felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
energetic I decide to indulge myself to one regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Furthermore
, the serotonin which release during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
away from me.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
next
attitude, this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
temporary and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and measure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and well-being. They should be careful about their diet and follow
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a nutritious
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, accompanying daily diet with a regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and systematic review measurement on a healthy diet will gain well- being and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the society.

In the light of these facts one can conclude that, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
diet to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and well-being in society.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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