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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.8

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 8
Although it is often thought that more sporting facilities should be made available in order that the populace of any society have better health conditions, others believe that some other approach will be more effective. In my opinion, there will not be any improvement to public health unless more practical actions are taken. On the one hand, better health of members of the public is guaranteed if there are lots of exercising facilities available and accessible to them. There are more people than the facilities in gyming centres and if everyone will be encouraged to engage in body fitness activities, there has to be enough facilities for them. Also, as people, we generally like to have alternatives from which we could make our choices. In the end, the use of all the sporting equipments will bring out the activeness in people and benefit the society. On the other hand, other people opine that the increase in available facilities will be inconsequential and I agree. This is because most of the available facilities in fitness centres are underutilized. Instead, more practical steps may prove to be more impactful for public health. Firstly, awareness to the general public on the need and importance of participating in sports may be a more effective approach. Secondly, exercises are not the only means for attaining great health, healthy feeding are also a great way. There could therefore also be emphasis on this because not all people would eventually be able to engage in exercises even though there are lots of facilities accessible to them. For example, workers with very tight schedule or persons with some sort of physical disability may be restricted in some way. In conclusion, while there are very opinions on the best way to improve public health, I believe that some more practical measures should be taken.
Although it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that more sporting facilities should
be made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
in order that the populace of any society have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions, others believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
approach will be more effective. In my opinion, there will not be any improvement to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
unless more practical actions
are taken
.

On the one hand, better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
is guaranteed
if there are lots of exercising facilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
and accessible to them. There are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than the facilities in
Possible spelling mistake found.
gyming
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and if everyone will
be encouraged
to engage in body fitness activities, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
facilities for them.
Also
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we
generally
like to have alternatives from which we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our choices. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of all the sporting equipments will bring out the activeness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and benefit the society.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
facilities will be inconsequential and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
facilities in fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are underutilized
.
Instead
, more practical steps may prove to be more impactful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Firstly
, awareness to the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
on the need and importance of participating in sports may be a more effective approach.
Secondly
, exercises are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
means for attaining great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, healthy feeding are
also
a great way. There could
therefore
also
be emphasis on this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
eventually
be able to engage in exercises
even though
there are lots of facilities accessible to them.
For example
, workers with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tight schedule or persons with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of physical disability may
be restricted
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
opinions on the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more practical measures should
be taken
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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