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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.7

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 7
Some would argue that the best method to enhance the quality of community health is by building more and more sports complexes. While others say that the mentioned approach of health improvement will be less beneficial because I believe the basic necessity for life is potable water and proper sanitation, which makes people's life more improved. On the one hand, many believe that exercise makes a healthy mind and body, which will result in increased life expectancy. Therefore, to provide a space for games are an excellent option to improve people's health. Moreover, the Government should construct sports complexes to provide its citizens with good shape. For example, in Scandinavian countries, nearly every neighbourhood has its own sports centers. Therefore, some think that this could be the secret behind their population's good health and improved life expectancy. However, I believe that a surge of sports amenities is an unsustainable and unaffordable solution. Initially, the majority of people will be attracted and fascinated. However, after some time, they will stop going there due to strain on their pockets. On the other hand, by providing basic life needs will automatically improve public health. For example, Supplying clean, drinkable water, proper garbage disposal, resolving sanitation issues, promoting a balanced diet, and periodic health check-ups are significant needs, which are more beneficial and vital in improving the health and quality of life. When the concerns, as mentioned earlier, address by the Government, the health of the people will eventually improve. Like in In Sri Lanka, their Government has recently introduced a card system through which every citizen will get access to essential facilities at affordable rates. As a result, the majority of people are happy and believe that their health will gradually improve. In conclusion, although the development of sports units can be beneficial, I believe that it is not sufficient enough to improve public health. Therefore, it is more critical to considerate and provides necessary health care facilities first, and sports come after.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that the best method to enhance the quality of community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is by building more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
complexes. While others say that the mentioned approach of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
improvement will be less beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
the basic necessity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is potable water and proper sanitation, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a healthy mind and body, which will result in increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy.
Therefore
, to provide a space for games are an excellent option to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should construct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
complexes to provide its citizens with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape.
For example
, in Scandinavian countries,
nearly
every
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
centers.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this could be the secret behind their population's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that a surge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
amenities is an unsustainable and unaffordable solution.
Initially
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
be attracted
and fascinated.
However
, after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
going there due to strain on their pockets.

On the other hand
, by providing basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
needs will
automatically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For example
, Supplying clean, drinkable water, proper garbage disposal, resolving sanitation issues, promoting a balanced diet, and periodic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-ups are significant needs, which are more beneficial and vital in improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When the concerns, as mentioned earlier, address by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
. Like
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in In
Sri Lanka, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
has recently introduced a card system through which every citizen will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to essential facilities at affordable rates.
As a result
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are happy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.

In conclusion
, although the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
units can be beneficial, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is not sufficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Therefore
, it is more critical to considerate and provides necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care facilities
first
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
after.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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