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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v.53

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 53
People believe there exisits several ways to improve public health and well-being. They are grouped according to these measures that they support. Some of the people say that increasing number of sports facilities result in more public health. Also, they assert that this way is the best. However, others claim that increase in the number of sports facilities slightly affects the public health than other measures which are more important. In my opinion, not the latter but the former group's point of view is more realistic and worth to believe. To begin with the former, they choose the best way to increase healthiness level by increasing the number of sports facilities. Although, the sport is a good way to stay healthy, making a bulk of sports facility is not enough to encourage people to do sport. For example, there are lots of sports centres around the city charging an annual basis and open until midnight, but there are not enough regular member. Most of the members started in full excitement to join each activity, but could not afford to do what they promised. Actually, why this situation arises usually has many reasons but the point is that only sports facilities are not enough to encourage people to participate in sports and maintain a good health. The latter opinion, which is more realistic, claims that more important other measures are required to improve public health rather than the sports facility. During our lifetime we changed our lifestyles much. Especially, people give different priorities to the ways which affect their health than before. These ways can be categorised mainly into three groups such as eating habits, working styles and living area. First, people eat much more junk food than before affecting their health in the worst way. Then, working conditions become hard than before which also change healthiness level to the negative sides. Finally, living areas are not clean enough to be healthy now. Thus, priority has to be given to those three ways to make them good for human health, but not to sports facilities. To conclude, people may have different thoughts about how to increase public health. Some of them insist on increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way but others do not agree with them. Although the sports is an important task for human health, solely it is not enough for improvement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
believe there
Possible spelling mistake found.
exisits
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and well-being. They
are grouped
according to these measures that they support.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities result in more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Also
, they assert that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
is the best.
However
, others claim that increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
slightly
affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures which are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In my opinion, not the latter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the former group's point of view is more realistic and worth to believe.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the former, they choose the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to increase healthiness level by increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities. Although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to stay healthy, making a bulk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facility is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
For example
, there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
around the city charging an annual basis and open until midnight,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
regular member. Most of the members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in full excitement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
each activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could not afford to do what they promised. Actually, why this situation arises
usually
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the point is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.

The latter opinion, which is more realistic, claims that more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures
are required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facility. During our lifetime we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our lifestyles much.
Especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
priorities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
which affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
mainly
into three groups such as eating habits, working styles and living area.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat much more junk food than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
affecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the worst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
. Then, working conditions become
Use "harder" to make a comparison with this adjective.
hard
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
which
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
healthiness level to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
Finally
, living areas are not clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
to be healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Thus
, priority
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to those three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
thoughts about how to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them insist on increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
task for human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
solely
it is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
for improvement.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 53

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
396 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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