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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v.51

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 51
Health is wealth. Without health no one can lead a good life because good health is essential for people to work, to think, even to lead a basic life. However, whether ‘physical activity is enough or not to lead a better social life’ is a debatable one. There are strong reasons behind on both the views. However, I opt to the fact that sports activity is not enough for good health because a perfect man needs both physical and mental activity and other factors like proper diet, awareness among people, health care facilities and a healthy lifestyle also contribute towards a healthy life. Firstly, from childhood, a person starts to do the physical activity such as walking, running, playing but he does not know the importance of such actions or exercises. When he grows up he knows the needs of exercises. This is his mental awareness. So, health will not be fulfilling with sports only as it needs mental power also. In current society, parents are least bothered about the physical health of their children and for themselves as well. Both parents in many cases are working and to make their life easier they rely on fast foods and unhealthy foods. Not only that, most of the people are living in flats or apartments, so children are not getting enough space to play. Due to this children are becoming more prone to get obesity and it leads to unhealthy life and can make juvenile diabetics and other obesity-related illness. Nowadays there are varieties of sports or indoor activity like yoga, karate, or dance. These activities provide wellness to the mind and body. For example, in my place, we have camps or part-time classes for children and adult for yoga, swimming, karate and dance. These facilities should be made available for our convenience and less price. If a person is physically fit with sports and not knowing about the importance of how to be healthy it will be worthless. For example, there are many sportspersons using alcohol or cigarettes. They are not thinking about their health because smoking and alcoholism can lead to an unhealthy lifestyle in future. Health awareness should be emphasised from childhood. So, at first, parents should be educated about this matter because nowadays parents want to make their children more intelligent in academic level. Community leaders such as teachers, doctors, and nurses should teach the public about the importance of physical and mental wellness. Public health means not only physical or mental well-being rather it includes environmental wellbeing also. Proper disposal of waste, maintaining green life and deforestation are the main factors which help to maintain our environment safe. To sum up, not only sports activities but also mental awareness is important to maintain good health because prevention is better than cure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is wealth. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
no one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is essential for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, even to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
or not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a better social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life’
is a debatable one. There are strong reasons behind on both the views.
However
, I opt to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a perfect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
needs both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and other factors like proper diet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care facilities and a healthy lifestyle
also
contribute towards a healthy life.

Firstly
, from childhood, a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
such as walking, running, playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he does not know the importance of such actions or exercises.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
he grows up he knows the needs of exercises. This is his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will not be fulfilling with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
as it needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
power
also
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are least bothered about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and for themselves
as well
. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases are working and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier they rely on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods and unhealthy foods. Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
that, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living in flats or apartments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space to play. Due to
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming more prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obesity and it leads to unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
juvenile diabetics and other obesity-related illness. Nowadays there are varieties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
like yoga, karate, or dance. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
provide wellness to the mind and body.
For example
, in my place, we have camps or part-time classes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adult for yoga, swimming, karate and dance. These facilities should
be made
available for our convenience and less price.

If a person is
physically
fit with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and not knowing about the importance of how to be healthy it will be worthless.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons
using alcohol or cigarettes. They are not thinking about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
smoking and alcoholism can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to an unhealthy lifestyle
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasised' is British English.
emphasised
from childhood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, at
first
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be educated
about this matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more intelligent in academic level. Community leaders such as teachers, doctors, and nurses should teach the public about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
wellness. Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
means not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
well-being
rather
it includes environmental
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
also
. Proper disposal of waste, maintaining green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and deforestation are the main factors which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maintain our environment safe.

To sum up, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
prevention is better than cure.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
66Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 51

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
465 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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