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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v.48

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 48
There are those who claim that the best way to uplift public health is through adding more sports facilities. However, others say that this would produce few effects on public health and that other alternatives are needed. These views will now be discussed and I will give my opinion at the end of the essay. Some people believe that having a lot of sports facilities is the best way to improve public health. They think that with the availability of these recreational facilities will shift the attention of people from doing drugs and/or other detrimental vices to sports, which is also a form of exercise. In our community, for instance, members of the local council in cooperation with youth sector proposed the constitution of a gymnasium was finished early last year. It became the venue for different events not only within our community but also the neighbouring community. Since the construction of the sports facility, the local health station reported a significant decrease in clinic visit of the locals. On the other hand, other people think sports facilities will have a little effect on public health and that other measures are needed. They believe that there are activities that are more effective and more important, health programs for example. For them, having an activity that everyone can participate in is more effective than building more sports facilities. Perhaps activities, like conducting a daily exercise or helping the local health department in locating ill people within the community, would be a greater help. As for my experience, I was once a volunteer in our health station wherein we do look for people in the community needing health attention and we refer them to the municipal health office for evaluation and treatment. In conclusion, I think both views are of great help in improving public health. We, the residents, to the best of our ability should cooperate and help our community leaders in improving public health.
There are those who claim that the best way to uplift
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is through adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.
However
, others say that this would produce few effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
alternatives
are needed
. These views will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be discussed
and I will give my opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the essay.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that with the availability of these recreational facilities will shift the attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from doing drugs and/or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
detrimental vices to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which is
also
a form of exercise. In our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
,
for instance
, members of the local council in cooperation with youth sector proposed the constitution of a gymnasium
was finished
early last year. It became the venue for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
within our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Since the construction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facility, the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
station reported a significant decrease in clinic visit of the locals.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures
are needed
. They believe that there are activities that are more effective and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
programs
for example
. For them, having an activity that everyone can participate in is more effective than building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities. Perhaps activities, like conducting a daily exercise or helping the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
department in locating ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, would be a greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. As for my experience, I was once a volunteer in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
station wherein we do look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
needing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
attention and
we refer them to the municipal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
office for evaluation and treatment.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both views are of great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. We, the residents, to the best of our ability should cooperate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
leaders in improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 48

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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