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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v.47

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 47
The government has a vested interest in the mental and physical well-being of its citizens. In the recent years, there is an increased spend by Government to improve the sports infrastructure to encourage people to stay healthy. But, it can be argued that providing sports facilities alone will not be enough to motivate the people to stay fitter but other incentives are required to make the people stay fit. This essay analyses the benefits of Government actions to promote public health and suggests other methods that can be employed to improve them. Firstly, physical and psychological benefits created by sports activities contribute to a better healthy body. Regular practice of games like badminton and basketball increases the heart rate and burns the deposited fat from the body that in turn can help improve the health of the individuals. Furthermore, engaging in games can improve the concentration and relieve stress accumulated at the workplace. Thus, sports-related activities help the people in leading a healthy lifestyle. However, the bigger challenge for the Government is to create awareness about the health and instil interest in their mind to engage in sports-related activities.   Creating sports facilities in several places of cities may not generate a lot of interest among the public to use them. They have to create awareness campaigns and incentivise the sports facilities so that the general public can appreciate the benefits of using them. It can be achieved by advertisement campaigns and special prizes for good attendance. In conclusion, Government should aim at creating a healthy society by not only creating sports facilities but also encourage public to use the facilities. I strongly believe that Governments following the above-mentioned actions will lead to a healthy society.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has a vested interest in the mental and physical well-being of its citizens. In the recent years, there is an increased spend by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
infrastructure to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it can
be argued
that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities alone will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay fitter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other incentives
are required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay fit. This essay analyses the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
actions to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health and suggests other methods that can
be employed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
them.

Firstly
, physical and psychological benefits created by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities contribute to a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body. Regular practice of games like badminton and basketball increases the heart rate and burns the deposited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
from the body that in turn can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the health of the individuals.
Furthermore
, engaging in games can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the concentration and relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
accumulated at the workplace.
Thus
, sports-related activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in leading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

However
, the bigger challenge for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
is to create awareness about the health and
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
interest in their mind to engage in sports-related activities.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in several places of cities may not generate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
interest among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create awareness campaigns and
Possible spelling mistake. 'incentivise' is British English.
incentivise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
can appreciate the benefits of using them. It can
be achieved
by advertisement campaigns and special prizes for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attendance.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should aim at creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
society by not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the facilities. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
following the above-mentioned actions will lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 47

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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