Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v.46

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 46
A group of people believe that by adding more sports facilities in the community, it will increase the public awareness about a healthy lifestyle. On the contrary, others think that the idea is ineffective and they believe that there are other ways which are more effective and efficient. The following essay will discuss in details about the two statements. On the one hand, some people think that the best solution for improving public health is by providing a lot of sports facilities in the society. The existence of jogging tracks facilities, athletic fields, basketball hall or football ground in residential areas would trigger the residents in doing some exercises. With the increasing number of people who do physical exercises, it is expected that the rate of several diseases which are caused by unhealthy lifestyles, such as diabetics, heart attack or obesity would be reduced. Consequently, public health expenditures would be declined and could be allocated for other important aspects such as education or public transportation. On the other hand, another group of people believe that building some sports facilities in the community would not be effective without health education campaigns. It is undeniable that health campaign is an essential matter since it is important to open the mind of the public about having a healthy lifestyle. The campaign should be well prepared, socialised properly and implemented thoroughly, therefore, the public will get the awareness about healthy lifestyles. Once people have realised about the lifestyles, then they would utilise the sports facilities that have been built by the Government. In conclusion, several people think that adding more sports facilities in the neighbourhood would improve the public health, but others believe that it would only have a small effect. There are other things that should also be prepared besides building the facilities. In my opinion, I do believe that building some sports facilities in residential areas should be aligned with health education campaigns, therefore, the facilities would be utilised by the public.
A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that by adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in the community, it will increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
awareness about a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
On the contrary
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ineffective and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways which are more effective and efficient. The following essay will discuss in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about the two statements.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the best solution for improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is by providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in the society. The existence of jogging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
facilities, athletic fields, basketball hall or football ground in residential areas would trigger the residents in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises. With the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do physical exercises, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that the rate of several diseases which
are caused
by unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
, such as diabetics, heart attack or obesity would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
expenditures would
be declined
and could
be allocated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects such as education or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, another group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that building
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in the community would not be effective without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaigns
. It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
is an essential matter since it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to open the mind of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
about having a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
should be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialised' is British English.
socialised
properly
and implemented
thoroughly
,
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the awareness about healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
, then they would
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities that have
been built
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
.

In conclusion
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
effect. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things that should
also
be prepared
besides
building the facilities. In my opinion, I do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that building
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in residential areas should
be aligned
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaigns
,
therefore
, the facilities would be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 46

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts