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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v.45

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 45
Public health has been always one of the sophisticated issues in each society and over last several years, there have been done lots of efforts by governments to improve public health in some countries. However, some believe that extending sports facilities in each corner of the country can have a deep effect on this matter; some other opine that other ways would be more appreciated to have a healthy society. So this essay has tried to cover both of mentioned views and then will suggest one of the best strategies to increase health indicators. Availability of the sports facilities can make a situation that anyone in any place can do exercise and undeniably it affects some parameters of public health in a society. Put another way, these days people can easily find gems near their houses and they don’t need to waste time and cost of going to some specific areas to do exercise. By contrast, over last years, people should spend time for the mentioned purpose and most of the times they don’t attend to do exercise as they find it difficult because of the shortage of sports facilities. However, making sports facilities in each street or residential areas can have a bit effect on public health, this cannot encourage people to do exercise lonely. Hence, public awareness about the role of exercising in health would be considered besides extending gems. For example, Media should concern more about the public health and broadcast some suitable programs to show the importance of exercising on physical and mind health. Also, there should be held several meeting in schools and universities to invite people to go to gems by describing its benefits. I think, therefore, if people know that exercising is such a long-term investment as they don’t need to pay for serious diseases in older ages, they would be interested in using sports facilities; however, enough sports facilities should be constructed in each part of cities and villages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
has been always one of the sophisticated issues in each society and over last several years, there have
been done
lots of efforts by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that extending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in each corner of the country can have a deep effect on this matter;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "others"?
other
opine that other ways would be more
The verb 'appreciated' is used with the gerund form: "appreciated having".
appreciated to have
a healthy society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this essay has tried to cover both of mentioned views and then will suggest one of the best strategies to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
indicators.

Availability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a situation that anyone in any place can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and
undeniably
it affects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parameters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in a society. Put another way, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
find gems near their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
houses and
they don’t need to waste time and cost of going to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific areas to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. By contrast, over last years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend time for the mentioned purpose and
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
they don’t attend to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
as they find it difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.

However
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in each street or residential areas can have a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
bit
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, this cannot encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
lonely.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
awareness about the role of exercising in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
would
be considered
besides
extending gems.
For example
, Media should concern more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and broadcast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suitable programs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the importance of exercising on physical and mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Also
, there should
be held
several meeting in schools and universities to invite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go to gems by describing its benefits.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
therefore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know that exercising is such a long-term investment as they don’t need to pay for serious diseases in older ages, they would
be interested
in using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities should
be constructed
in each part of cities and villages.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 45

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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