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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v.44

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 44
To improve public health some people suggest that the sports can play a vital role. It is said that “Healthy mind is in a Healthy body”. By increasing the number of sports facilities we can create an environment of courage, sportsmanship, and tolerance. The minds of youth can also be directed towards healthy activities through sports promotion. However, some people believe that sports facilities alone are not sufficient to improve public health. There are many socio-economic factors that gravely affect the public health, such as water & sanitation, rampant population & pollution, lack of hygienic manners and social unrest. These factors need to be addressed to improve overall public health. In my opinion, in a country like Pakistan, where people are living under the “shadow of fear” due to prevailing terrorism in the country we need a diverse approach. Speaking of flourishing poverty, inflation, and unemployment – availing sports facilities could be a luxury. And then there is a vast majority of areas deprived of basic health facilities, where one doctor is available for thousands of people. Sports can play a role but only if people are content with their lives. There is a dire need for government to take solid actions to improve the general well-being of the people. Firstly, it must improve the security situation in the country to give peace of mind to the public. Secondly, it must improve water & sanitation system and must put a serious check on pollution increase and should take steps to reduce poverty, illiteracy and unemployment. Thirdly, the society must improve general hygiene level to have a positive impact on overall public health.
To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can play a vital role. It
is said
that “Healthy mind is in a Healthy body”. By increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities we can create an environment of courage, sportsmanship, and tolerance. The minds of youth can
also
be directed
towards healthy activities through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
promotion.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities alone are not sufficient to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-economic
factors that
gravely
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, such as water & sanitation, rampant population & pollution, lack of hygienic manners and social unrest. These factors need to
be addressed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health.

In my opinion, in a country like Pakistan, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living under the “shadow of fear” due to prevailing terrorism in the country we need a diverse approach. Speaking of flourishing poverty, inflation, and unemployment
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
availing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities could be a luxury. And then there is a vast majority of areas deprived of basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities, where one doctor is available for thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
can play a role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are content with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

There is a dire need for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to take solid actions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the general well-being of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the security situation in the country to give peace of mind to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
water & sanitation system and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
put a serious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on pollution increase and should take steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
poverty, illiteracy and unemployment.
Thirdly
, the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
general hygiene level to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 44

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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