Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.42

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 42
In recent decades, the question of whether or not sports facilities should be invested to improve public strength has become a topic of discussions. Although some people suggest that money should be invested in other approaches, instead of building sporting facilities, I completely disagree with this statement. One the one hand, there are a number of reasons why people argue that this sports investment would not be effective. It is clear that nowadays almost people do not spend enough time to do physical activities like exercises. Since entertainment activities, such as watching TV and playing video games, are more likely to be addictive, playing sports would not be the priority choice for the majority to relax. In addition, due to the fact that more and more new illnesses has appeared, finding new medical treatments is imperative. For instance, in order to prevent new kinds of virus, such as Cov-19, the large amount of effort and money are required, which also means there would be little to spend on sports amenities. On the other hand, increasing the quantity of sports facilities is the best way to enhance people's well-being. First, many research studies suggest that people who does not play sports, such as badminton and soccer, are more susceptible to diseases than does ones. If the government encourages citizens to play sports on a daily basis, there would be fewer illness cases, thereby public health is enhanced. Second, many people, especially from undeveloped nations, do not have access to modern hospitals and medical facilities. Instead of building hospitals that is inevitably expensive, promoting healthy lifestyles by building more sports centres would be the workable solution to improve public health. In conclusion, I believe constructing more place for citizens to play sports is the best way to improve their health. Governments and corporations should take steps to help people enhance their well-being.
In recent decades,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities should
be invested
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public strength has become a topic of discussions. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that money should
be invested
in other approaches,
instead
of building sporting facilities, I completely disagree with this statement.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, there are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
investment would not be effective. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that nowadays almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to do physical activities like exercises. Since entertainment activities, such as watching TV and playing video games, are more likely to be addictive, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
would not be the priority choice for the majority to relax.
In addition
, due to the fact that more and more new illnesses has appeared, finding new medical treatments is imperative.
For instance
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
new kinds of virus, such as Cov-19, the large amount of effort and money
are required
, which
also
means there would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
amenities.

On the other hand
, increasing the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is the best way to enhance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's well-being.
First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
research studies suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
does
not play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, such as badminton and soccer, are more susceptible to diseases than does ones. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
encourages citizens to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on a daily basis, there would be fewer illness cases, thereby public health
is enhanced
. Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
from undeveloped nations, do not have access to modern hospitals and medical facilities.
Instead
of building hospitals
that is
inevitably
expensive, promoting healthy lifestyles by building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
would be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public health.

In conclusion
, I believe constructing more place for citizens to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and corporations should take steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enhance their well-being.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 42

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts