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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.41

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. 41
It is believed that investment in sports facilities should be made to improve public health. While some individuals say that other measures are necessary to bring more impacts. I would argue that it would be better to increase physical health of people with sports by facilitating a larger number of basic equipment On the one hand, there are various reasons to explain why infrastructure investment in sports impacts strongly on public health. Firstly, people who undergo appropriate training are likely able to keep fit and stay healthy longer in their lifetime. In fact, taking regular exercise burns calories and builds muscle quickly, which maintains ideal physique. Besides, people should spend time on outdoor activities such as swimming, mountain biking or jogging. In addition, these activities will help you have more energy to tackle daily chores and business at work. For example, if more sports are introduced at school by the governments, students will improve concentration, memory, and classroom behaviour because they are in a comfortable mood. On the other hand, people leading a sedentary lifestyle are likely able to give up so early on their fitness journey that makes their life become even more stressful and decreases productivity in working. Furthermore, their well-being involves a high level of risk like obesity because of lacking resistance and may lead to the decline of life quality. For instance, if an epidemic breaks out, these people are not able to fight with that because they have weakened their immune systems. In conclusion, to ensure the community is healthy, governments should encourage citizens to take exercise regularly and focus on sports in order to be medically fit.
It
is believed
that investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities should
be made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public health.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals say that other measures are necessary to bring more impacts. I would argue that it would be better to increase physical health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
by facilitating a larger number of basic
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
equipment


On the one hand, there are various reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why infrastructure investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
impacts
strongly
on public health.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who undergo appropriate training are likely able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit and stay healthy longer in their lifetime. In fact, taking regular exercise burns calories and builds muscle
quickly
, which maintains ideal physique.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend time on outdoor activities such as swimming, mountain biking or jogging.
In addition
, these activities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you have more energy to tackle daily chores and business at work.
For example
, if more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are introduced
at school by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, students will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
concentration, memory, and classroom
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are in a comfortable mood.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leading a sedentary lifestyle are likely able to give up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
early on their fitness journey that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their life become even more stressful and decreases productivity in working.
Furthermore
, their well-being involves a high level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
like obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lacking resistance and may lead to the decline of life quality.
For instance
, if an epidemic breaks out, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to fight with that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have weakened their immune systems.

In conclusion
, to ensure the community is healthy,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should encourage citizens to take exercise
regularly
and focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in order to be
medically
fit.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Rumi

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. 41

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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