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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion v.39

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. 39
Nowadays, the question of what is the best solution to improve health people has been receiving a great deal of public attention. While some individuals say that more investment in sports facilities more benefits can bring for health’s citizens. I argue that it would be better if the government apply other measures to tackle this problem. On the one hand, some people believe that increasing the number of sports places is the best choice to enhance public strength. Firstly, many of them are participating in sports clubs and gain benefits from sports modes. This means that throughout doing exercises they can burn up a wide range of calories and keep their body fit. Also, physical activities within the machine can prevent them from issues such as high pressure, heart disorders. Therefore, people’s fitness more and more upgraded. Secondly, people using the sports facilities often consider taking part in sports groups which also is a great place to boost mental health. As a result, after a hectic schedule on days, people are likely to join the gym, fitness clubs to reduce stress and gain knowledge throughout sharing experiences in doing sports. According to an article published in a reputable journal, for example, people can reduce significantly risk about mental when doing gym regularly. On the other hand, I believe that there are some other solutions to resolve this problem more efficiently. One of the measures is education because numerous people do not have the condition to do exercises at sports centres. Therefore, instead of investing in sports infrastructure, people need to be trained about the adverse effects if they live without physical activities. By emphasizing the risk like obesity, gout, their awareness will be enhanced. Furthermore, when people always up to the ear at work and deadline, they tend to consume fast food containing full of unsaturated fat and additives too much. So to enhance the cognitive community, the government should consider raising the tax from this food or even limit the time food-process appears in national channels. In conclusion, it seems to me that there are more solutions to enhance society's health, although some commentators insist argue that building more sports facilities brings more positive impacts.
Nowadays, the question of what is the best solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been receiving a great deal of public attention. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals say that more investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities more benefits can bring for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health’s
citizens. I argue that it would be better if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
apply other measures to tackle this problem.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
places is the best choice to enhance public strength.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs and gain benefits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
modes. This means that throughout doing exercises they can burn up a wide range of calories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their body fit.
Also
, physical activities within the machine can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from issues such as high pressure, heart disorders.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
fitness more and more upgraded.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
consider taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
groups which
also
is a great place to boost mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
As a result
, after a hectic schedule on days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the gym, fitness clubs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and gain knowledge throughout sharing experiences in doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. According to an article published in a reputable journal,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
about mental when doing gym
regularly
.

On the other hand
, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other solutions to resolve this problem more
efficiently
. One of the measures is education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have the condition to do exercises at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
Therefore
,
instead
of investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
infrastructure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
be trained
about the adverse effects if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without physical activities. By emphasizing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
like obesity, gout, their awareness will
be enhanced
.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always up to the ear at work and deadline, they tend to consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food containing full of unsaturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and additives too much.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to enhance the cognitive community, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider raising the tax from this food or even limit the time food-process appears in national channels.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that there are more solutions to enhance society's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commentators insist argue that building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities brings more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. 39

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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