Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.34

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 34
Having healthy public people is one of the essential dreams for every government. Some individuals believe that enhancing sport equipments are very useful, but the others think it should evaluate the other factors as well. There are rational arguments on both sides of this challengable topic which will be discussed in detail, followed by my own opinion. On the one hand, doing workout by the public needs sport facilities to have vibrant society. It is necessary to have huge numbers of sport facilities as a free in most public places such as parks, shopping malls. It must be easy for people to reach to exercising equipments less than 10 minutes as if they are always ready to use. For example, by employing some free gym facilities in bus station, most passengers can do exercise rather than just waste time by waiting for the bus. Thus, under no circumstances is it not acceptable to have healthy people without doing sport. On the other hand, sport is not the only factor to determine as a clue of improving public health. Government authorities have more responsibility to enhance public health as well. Other factors such as social behaviour, criminal activity and charity affairs can be an essential part of rational measuring of healthy public. As an illustration, most of organs which are responsible to the mentioned factors can prepare annual reports. Therefore, all of these reports the company with sport activities can be considered as a final measurement of public health. To conclude, there are valid arguments on both sides of the controversy, however, it is my firm conviction that attention should be more to sport activities. Most of the health problem is coming from lack of body activity. It would be highly recommended that governments involved in improving public health by regulating of enforcing companies to put their employees on mandatory exercises.
Having healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
one of the essential dreams for every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
equipments are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it should evaluate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
as well
. There are rational arguments on both sides of this
Possible spelling mistake found.
challengable
topic which will
be discussed
in detail, followed by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

On the one hand, doing workout by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities to have vibrant society. It is necessary to have huge numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities as a free in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places such as parks, shopping malls. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be easy for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to reach to exercising equipments less than 10 minutes as if they are always ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
For example
, by employing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free gym facilities in bus station, most passengers can do exercise
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
waste time by waiting for the bus.
Thus
, under no circumstances is it not acceptable to have healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without doing sport.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
to determine as a clue of improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
authorities have more responsibility to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as well
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and charity affairs can be an essential part of rational measuring of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. As an illustration,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the organs") or simply say "most organs".
most of organs
which are responsible to the mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
can prepare annual reports.
Therefore
, all of these reports the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
be considered
as a final measurement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health.

To conclude
, there are valid arguments on both sides of the controversy,
however
, it is my firm conviction that attention should be more to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem is coming from lack of body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. It would be
highly
recommended that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
involved in improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by regulating of enforcing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to put their employees on mandatory exercises.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 34

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts