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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.33

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 33
While some people claim that improving sports facilities is the best way of enhancing people’s health, others believe that other resolutions should be considered. I admit the first view, but the latter is more reasonable. On the one hand, governments can cause improving public health by providing sports facilities in all parks and streets. This solution would encourage residents to use these facilities, and consequently, the outcome will be better for people’s health. For example, for many people affording enough money to sign up for a gym, and using sports facilities is impossible; however, if they can use these facilities for free, they will be healthier in their life. Therefore, states and local authorities have to consider this measure as a way of boosting the public well-being. On the other hand, the mentioned solution is neither the only nor the best way. Other measures are equally valuable in terms of public health. Firstly, improving the economic situation is one of the most requirements for having a healthier life. For example, when someone is in a bad economic situation, he/she must work hard to provide the family’s demands, and this sort of person even cannot use sports facilities. Besides, it has been proven that the wealthy people are healthier since they have better nutrition, and they are mentally healthier as well. Secondly, factories and cars are the most sources of air pollution, and policies should be changed for these polluters to improve well-being. Finally, investing in social education can train healthier people, both mentally and physically. In conclusion, while providing the sports facilities is essential for promoting the public health, other measures are as significant as those equipments.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is the best way of enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
resolutions should
be considered
. I admit the
first
view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the latter is more reasonable.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can cause improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in all parks and streets. This solution would encourage residents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these facilities, and
consequently
, the outcome will be better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For example
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
affording
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up for a gym, and using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is impossible;
however
, if they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these facilities for free, they will be healthier in their life.
Therefore
, states and local authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider this measure as a way of boosting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
well-being.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the mentioned solution is neither the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
nor the best way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
measures are
equally
valuable in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Firstly
, improving the economic situation is one of the most requirements for having a healthier life.
For example
, when someone is in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
economic situation, he/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to provide the family’s demands, and this sort of person even cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.
Besides
, it has
been proven
that the wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are healthier since they have better nutrition, and they are mentally healthier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well.
Secondly
, factories and cars are the most sources of air pollution, and policies should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
for these polluters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
well-being.
Finally
, investing in social education can train healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, both mentally and
physically
.

In conclusion
, while providing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is essential for promoting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures are as significant as those equipments.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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