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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.32

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 32
Apparently, The most effective method to increase and develop vigour is sports platforms. However, only sports spaces are not enough to maintain and increase the strength of the people. So, we can also use other ways along with sports to make peoples' healthiness better. I will discuss both ideas including its pros and cons and lastly, shall share my opinion. For the day first people have been playing various sports to get multiple benefits, although health is always on the top of the list. Presently, most countries are struggling to provide their people with latest sports provisions to keep them engaged in a healthy environment. For instance, in my country Pakistan, our government is developing a healthy environment and opening new cricket and football academies for youth. These amenities shall support them to enhance their fitness in proper way and also helps to avoid worthless activities, that includes the unnecessary usage of social media. Furthermore, opportunities to become part of national cricket and football teams can be provided by these platforms. On the other hand, Health is not always about the physical strength or fitness of an individual, but also mental health has been necessary to always keep them fit physically and mentally. Therefore, only sports facilities may not always be sufficient to increase fitness. Hence, Governments may provide other platforms, such as rehabilitation centres for drug users and mentally retarded people. Furthermore, build latest health care facilities for people who already suffering from various chronic diseases to cure and make them a healthy citizen again. While concluding, I would narrate Healthy life is a great gift of GOD. In the present era, nobody can deny its importance. Even though, sports platforms may make a difference in peoples' physical strength, but alongside government must take the necessary action plan for the people who are already suffering from fatal diseases to give them a chance to live a healthy life again.
Apparently
, The most effective method to increase and develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
vigour
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
platforms.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
spaces are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to maintain and increase the strength of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other ways along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
peoples' healthiness better. I will discuss both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
including its pros and cons and
lastly
, shall share my opinion.

For the day
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been playing various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
multiple benefits, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is always on the top of the list.
Presently
, most countries are struggling to provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provisions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them engaged in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
environment.
For instance
, in my country Pakistan, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is developing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
environment and opening new cricket and football academies for youth. These amenities shall support them to enhance their fitness in proper way and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to avoid worthless activities, that includes the unnecessary usage of social media.
Furthermore
, opportunities to become part of national cricket and football teams can
be provided
by these platforms.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is not always about the physical strength or fitness of an individual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
has been necessary to always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them fit
physically
and mentally.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities may not always be sufficient to increase fitness.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
may provide other platforms, such as rehabilitation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
for drug users and
This expression can be considered offensive.
mentally retarded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, build
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who already suffering from various chronic diseases to cure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
citizen again.

While concluding, I would narrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Healthy
life is a great gift of GOD. In the present era, nobody can deny its importance.
Even though
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
platforms may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference in peoples' physical strength,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
alongside
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take the necessary action plan for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are already suffering from fatal diseases to give them a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life again.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 32

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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