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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.30

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 30
Although it is argued that more sports facilities are needed to enhance people’s health, others believe that it depends on other factors. In my opinion, even if sports facilities such as, gyms can be crucial for people to train their bodies, the kind of food that is consumed is more effective. The Sports centre has a leading role in keeping individuals in good shape and health. Many facilities have been built to give people a variety that suits each person’s preference. Take a bank, employer, for example, who has a sedentary lifestyle because of his work in order to encourage him to exercise, figureheads need to provide a nearby centre which contains all the required tools. Furthermore, many programs should try to demonstrate how to keep active within your daily routine by using the media such as, the tv show that is called “The biggest loser” which has changed the life of many people. A healthy life needs people’s awareness of what they do and consume. Many regimes have been followed by young people that have been causing serious health issues. For instance, some youngsters think that to detoxify their body, they must stop eating for a couple of days which can cause impairment to their body. Consequently, authorities need to take an initiative in lowering the price of organic foods instead of leaving many individuals live on fast foods that could lead to addiction. In conclusion, it takes a well-balanced diet and effective training to stay in good health. The government should take into consideration the importance of having organic food besides public health centres.
Although it
is argued
that more sports facilities
are needed
to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, others believe that it depends on other factors. In my opinion, even if sports facilities such as, gyms can be crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to train their bodies, the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that
is consumed
is more effective.

The Sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
has a leading role in keeping individuals in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
facilities have
been built
to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a variety that suits each person’s preference. Take a bank, employer,
for example
, who has a sedentary lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his work in order to encourage him to exercise, figureheads need to provide a nearby
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
which contains all the required tools.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
programs should try to demonstrate how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
active within your daily routine by using the media such as, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
is called
“The biggest loser” which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the life of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

A healthy life needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness of what they do and consume.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
regimes have
been followed
by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have been causing serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that to detoxify their body, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
eating for a couple of days which can cause impairment to their body.
Consequently
, authorities need to take an initiative in lowering the price of organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
instead
of leaving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that could lead to addiction.

In conclusion
, it takes a well-balanced diet and effective training to stay in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take into consideration the importance of having organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
besides
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 30

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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