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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.29

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 29
Many people say that if the number of athletic equipment are rising, then the public fitness will effect to have an improvement. However, some people say this can affect less than other ways. This essay agrees with the rising of sport facilities should efficient, since it is necessary more than stimulate people by advertising to intense people have an exercise. Initially, some people think that the advertising on the social media for inspiration people to have physical activities will affect a lot to the social health. But they cannot have physical activities if they do not have a good machine. Granted, the stimulation to people is important, but truly, a facility is more necessary. For example, my friend his name is Guang, he usually goes to the athletic facilities at the university, however, his village does not have a community gym. So, he cannot exercise in summer semester in his village. This is a clear example, why we should invest in the sport equipments earlier. In addition, the increasing of these facilities will motivate society to awareness their health. For instance, the last year ago, I was a trainee at the SET and they have a gym in their building. Although, I did not like physical activities before, but when I know they have a gym, I went to this place after my work was finished during 2 months. So, in my case is the one person of all people who have changed their behaviour to improve their health because they have athletic facilities. In conclusion, the rise of sport facilities is important for the social fitness than the promoting healthy project on the social media.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that if the number of athletic equipment are rising, then the public fitness will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
to have an improvement.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say this can affect less than other ways. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the rising of sport facilities should efficient, since it is necessary more than stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by advertising to intense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an exercise.

Initially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the advertising on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media for inspiration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have physical activities will affect a lot to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they cannot have physical activities if they do not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
machine. Granted, the stimulation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
truly
, a facility is more necessary.
For example
, my friend his name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Guang
, he
usually
goes to the athletic facilities at the university,
however
, his village does not have a community gym.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, he cannot exercise in summer semester in his village. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, why we should invest in the sport equipments earlier.

In addition
, the increasing of these facilities will motivate society to awareness their health.
For instance
, the last year ago, I was a trainee at the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
SET and
they have a gym in their building. Although, I did not like physical activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when I know they have a gym, I went to this place after my work
was finished
during 2 months.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my case is the one person of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have athletic facilities.

In conclusion
, the rise of sport facilities is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
fitness than the promoting healthy project on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 29

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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