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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.28

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 28
The people ask why the governments ratify to fund the athletics clubs. This question divides people into several campuses. The first campus, says that it says needlessly that the walking, running, and other exercises could play a major role to curb this health issue. However, other campus counters this vision, believing pivotal flaws on this suggest. Firstly, it is apparent that a soaring number of sport clubs will bring advantages. First, when a competition between a specific type of business companies goes up, their customer service becomes better. For this reason, if the governments supported athletics clubs to increase their branches, their price would go down. As a result, their subscription may become affordable for everyone. Secondly, some countryside has insufficient athletics facilitates requiring to increase their figures to become available for these people. Consequently, the villager people will have chances to practice exercises. On the other hand, sceptic side casts some doubts on this suggest. A major criticism is that this propose has limited ability to reduce the obese cases, and it does not have specific scales. For example, while the U. S. A has a high percentage of athletics clubs, it also has a high number of overweight cases. However, the governments will face obstacle when wanting to major this propose. If the public health minister wanted to engage the reduction of people weight, some people would pretend that this violate their privacy right. Nevertheless, these criticisms are exaggerated for several reasons. Firstly, while it truly says that the U. S. A has exaggerated the number of overweight, but overpopulated country. For this reason, there are no ways to compare America with others. Secondly, the public minster with these clubs legitimately decide to ask these club’s customers to measure their weight every month. In conclusion, the problem is that whether the governmental offices should participate to increase the sport area or not. Some people negatively think about this idea, having seeing limit benefit. This claim is challenged by logical evidence. It seems to my thinking way that it seems clear this idea will help people to join in sport team and reduce the terminal diseases.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ask why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
ratify to fund the athletics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
. This question divides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into several campuses. The
first
campus, says that it says
needlessly
that the walking, running, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
exercises could play a major role to curb this health issue.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
campus counters this vision, believing pivotal flaws on this suggest.

Firstly
, it is apparent that a soaring number of sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
will bring advantages.
First
, when a competition between a specific type of business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
goes up, their customer service becomes better.
For this reason
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
supported athletics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
to increase their branches, their price would go down.
As a result
, their subscription may become affordable for everyone.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countryside has insufficient athletics facilitates requiring to increase their figures to become available for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
, the villager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have chances to practice exercises.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptic' is British English.
sceptic
side casts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
doubts on this suggest. A major criticism is that
The verb 'propose' is plural. Did you mean: "this proposes"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this propose
has limited ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the obese cases, and it does not have specific scales.
For example
, while the U. S. A has a high percentage of athletics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
, it
also
has a high number of overweight cases.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
will face obstacle when wanting to major
The verb 'propose' is plural. Did you mean: "this proposes"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this propose
. If the public health minister wanted to engage the reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
weight,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would pretend that
The verb 'violate' is plural. Did you mean: "this violates"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this violate
their privacy right.

Nevertheless
, these criticisms
are exaggerated
for several reasons.
Firstly
, while it
truly
says that the U. S. A has exaggerated the number of overweight,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
overpopulated country.
For this reason
, there are no ways to compare America with others.
Secondly
, the public minster with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
legitimately
decide to ask these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club’s
customers to measure their weight every month.

In conclusion
, the problem is that whether the governmental offices should participate to increase the sport area or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, having seeing limit benefit. This claim
is challenged
by logical evidence. It seems to my thinking way that it seems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in sport team and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the terminal diseases.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 28

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
357 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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