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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.27

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 27
People have contrasting views on public health. While some would argue that it can be improved by increasing sports facilities since it will encourage public to develop their interest towards a healthy lifestyle, I firmly believe that it will not solve the purpose and some other solutions are required because everybody is unique and suffering with different illness. The overall health of citizens could be improved by maximising the provision of sports. That is to say that if the sports activity option proliferates, a number of people will engage themselves in some kind of physical exercise, which as a result makes people fit and active. In India, for example, the Delhi government has recently provided the gym equipment in most of the parks for free of cost, and this move has fascinated many men and women, who could not afford gym fees. However, I still feel this action would not improve people well-being, therefore, there should be something through which everyone can take benefit. Every individual has his own problem which cannot be solved just by introducing the sports options for them. In simple words, everybody’s body requirement is not same, and some people do not like to enrol themselves for fitness club or sports complex because of their age and disability. For instance, according to the extensive research conducted by WHO, revealed that 67% of people prefer to attend health seminars rather than physical exercise. Personally, I strongly believe that sports facilities would not persuade citizens, and free health consultation and medicines would be a better option to improve the citizens' health. In conclusion, some would argue that for the betterment of common peoples' fitness, sports facilities should be increased because this will motivate them to pursue a healthy life. I, however, believe that this will not solve the cause as those who are old and physically challenged cannot go for the sports activities, hence some free health care services should be provided by the government.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have contrasting views on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would argue that it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities since it will encourage public to develop their interest towards a healthy lifestyle, I
firmly
believe that it will not solve the purpose and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other solutions
are required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everybody is unique and suffering with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
illness.

The
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of citizens could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximising' is British English.
maximising
the provision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
That is
to say that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activity option proliferates, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will engage themselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of physical exercise, which
as a result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fit and active. In India,
for example
, the Delhi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has recently provided the gym equipment in most of the parks for free of cost, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
has fascinated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women, who could not afford gym fees.
However
, I
still
feel this action would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
well-being,
therefore
, there should be something through which everyone can take benefit.

Every individual has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problem which cannot
be solved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by introducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
options for them. In simple words, everybody’s body requirement is not same, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like to enrol themselves for fitness club or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
complex
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their age and disability.
For instance
, according to the extensive research conducted by
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
, revealed that 67% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
seminars
rather
than physical exercise.
Personally
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities would not persuade citizens, and free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
consultation and medicines would be a better option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the citizens' health.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would argue that for the betterment of common peoples' fitness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities should
be increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will motivate them to pursue a healthy life. I,
however
, believe that this will not solve the cause as those who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
physically
challenged cannot go for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities,
hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care services should
be provided
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 27

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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