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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v.26

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 26
Over the last half-century, public health has become a major concern for people and the government. It is often argued the most suitable way to develop public well-being is by increasing the sports facilities. While others oppose this view and they suppose that there are alternative measures that will be more effective. Firstly, increasing and expanding sports facilities one of the best solutions for improving public health. The availability of gyms, basket hall, football ground, or other sports facilities in residential areas that will make a situation that anybody can do exercise. Consequently, this will affect some standards of people's health. For instance, before 3 years in our neighbourhood, there was no place for doing exercises and sports. Thus, we spoke with the government to build a place that we can do our daily exercises, after one year they build parks include sports equipment. Therefore, now I can see my brothers and my neighbours playing sports, and this one example of improving public fitness. On the other hand, another group of people thinks that building more sports facilities would not be effective without health education. Health awareness would not only affect knowing the dangers of our lifestyle but also on the understanding of the issue of health problems. For example, "The health heroes" campaign in Abu Dhabi in 2016, was about giving children information about the importance of adopting a healthy lifestyle. In addition, increasing the number of hospitals is more important than sports facilities. This is because would reduce the crowdedness lists in hospital. To conclude, I support the latter view because health education has real benefits more than increasing the number of sports facilities. Also, the government should focus on the aim of creating a healthy society.
Over the last half-century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
has become a major concern for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued the most suitable way to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
well-being is by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities. While others oppose this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
view and
they suppose that there are alternative measures that will be more effective.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
and expanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities one of the best solutions for improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The availability of gyms, basket hall, football ground, or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in residential areas that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a situation that anybody can do exercise.
Consequently
, this will affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
standards of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
3 years in our
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
, there was no place for doing exercises and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Thus
, we spoke with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to build a place that we can do our daily exercises, after one year they build parks include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipment.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
my brothers and my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, and this one example of improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
fitness.

On the other hand
, another group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities would not be effective without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
awareness would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect knowing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of our lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on the understanding of the issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
For example
,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
heroes
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
campaign in Abu Dhabi in 2016, was about giving children information about the importance of adopting a healthy lifestyle.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the number of hospitals is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
crowdedness
lists in hospital.

To conclude
, I support the latter view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education has real benefits more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.
Also
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should focus on the aim of creating a healthy society.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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