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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.24

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. v. 24
Everyone wants health protection. Sports are virtue for a healthy lifestyle. Certain human beings assume that sports could be beneficial for freedom from diseases. On the opposite side, few claim that games have less impact on community health, so, other needs are also important. In today's world life is very busy. Everyone almost has no time to take part in physical activities, but persons should be encouraged to take part in physical games to get rid of fitness downfalls. Illness issues can be reduced through body activities. Therefore, sports resources must be available in large numbers to prevent society from sickness. As a model like successful or educated citizens engage in huge quantity of sports and they also urge such sources which can be helpful to increase body games. So, sports are very significant for every person who is facing health problems by doing this he can resist sickness. While, others consensus that different steps are also valuable to prevent citizens from weakness over sports. Hence, for the safety of public health there are many other steps are needed. Environmental issues regarding health are increasing day by day. Officials must reduce environmental concerns and atmosphere must be clean and safe to breath in. Sources in the form of pollution must be banned by governments. Health budget and public awareness can be helpful in this situation. The whole world is facing new viruses and any data is related to that epidemic virus must be shared freely. For example, first world countries are taking different steps to protect their people from different diseases. So, other measures are also arrogant to safe communities from sickness over sports. To sum up, no one can deny the importance of physical games, but other actions are also required like health budget, public knowledge on diseases and reduction of environmental downfalls.
Everyone wants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
protection.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are virtue for a healthy lifestyle. Certain human beings assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
could be beneficial for freedom from diseases. On the opposite side,
Possible agreement error. The noun claim seems to be countable; consider using: "few claims".
few claim
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have less impact on community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
needs are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world life is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy. Everyone almost has no time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in physical activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
persons should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of fitness downfalls. Illness issues can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
through body activities.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
resources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be available in large numbers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
society from sickness. As a model like successful or educated citizens engage in huge quantity of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports and
they
also
urge such sources which can be helpful to increase body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant for every person who is facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems by doing this he can resist sickness.

“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, others consensus that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
steps are
also
valuable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
citizens from weakness over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Hence
, for the safety of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
steps
are needed
. Environmental issues regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are increasing day by day. Officials
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
environmental concerns and atmosphere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be clean and safe to breath in. Sources in the form of pollution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be banned
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
budget and public awareness can be helpful in this situation. The whole world is facing new viruses and any data
is related
to that epidemic virus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shared
freely
.
For example
,
first
world countries are taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
steps to protect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures are
also
arrogant to safe communities from sickness over sports.

To sum up, no one can deny the importance of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
actions are
also
required like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget, public knowledge on diseases and reduction of environmental downfalls.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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