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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v.21

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 21
Some people would argue that one of the best ways to improve people's health is to provide them with a number of sports facilities, while others say that this will have a little impact on public health and that alternative methods are needed to improve their health. Although a number of sports facilities will attract many people, I believe that an awareness campaign by the government will be more helpful to turn people into healthy citizens. On the one hand, setting up more sports centre will increase the number of footfalls in these places. That is to say, if there are many sports centres, numerous people will visit them on a regular basis, and will gradually include this in their daily routine. Also, they can motivate their friends and relatives to accompany them which will help them to stay away from a sedentary lifestyle and turn into healthy individuals. To illustrate, a recent survey by the Times of India revealed that 55% of people were free from lifestyle diseases when they joined a gym in their local area. However, I believe that some people tend to misuse these facilities and consider it as a meeting point with their friends and therefore, they do not exercise. On the other hand, a publicity campaign by the government can be more effective in turning people into healthy citizens. In other words, the campaign will highlight the importance of a balanced diet which is essential for the growth and development of the human body. As a result, people will stay away from fatty foods and consume nutritious food, making them slimmer and fitter than before. For instance, the initiative "Healthy India Fit India" taken by the Government of India has encouraged more than 65% of people to eat and drink healthy food, turning them into fit individuals. I believe, this school of thought is preferable to me because when people hear and see these campaigns, again and again, they will realize the benefits of having a balanced food and start following them. In conclusion, although increasing the number of sports facilities could be the best solution to make healthy as it will draw a lot of individuals, other measures such a publicity campaign by the states will be more impactful to make people healthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would argue that one of the best ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health is to provide them with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities, while others say that this will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
impact on public health and that alternative methods
are needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health. Although a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I believe that an awareness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will be more helpful to turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
citizens.

On the one hand, setting up more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
will increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of footfalls in these places.
That is
to say, if there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will visit them on a regular basis, and will
gradually
include this in their daily routine.
Also
, they can motivate their friends and relatives to accompany them which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to stay away from a sedentary lifestyle and turn into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
individuals. To illustrate, a recent survey by
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
the Times of India
revealed that 55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were free from lifestyle diseases when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a gym in their local area.
However
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to misuse these facilities and consider it as a meeting point with their friends and
therefore
, they do not exercise.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, a publicity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can be more effective in turning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
citizens. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
will highlight the importance of a balanced diet which is essential for the growth and development of the human body.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will stay away from fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and consume nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, making them slimmer and fitter than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For instance
, the initiative
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Healthy India Fit India
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
taken by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
of India has encouraged more than 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to eat and drink
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, turning them into fit individuals. I believe, this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is preferable to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hear and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaigns
, again and again, they will realize the benefits of having a balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
following them.

In conclusion
, although increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities could be the best solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
as it will draw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
individuals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures such a publicity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
by the states will be more impactful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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