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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v.2

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 2
Althoughh many athletes are successful because of their natural ability, but not few people who were born with disabilities are successful too. Personally, not only in sports, but any other fields, talent is just the 20% of our success, while hard work and many practices are the 80%. With that being said, I disagree with the consensus of natural ability is the key to success for athletes. The reason why I think hard work and practice can also make you successful is because many have proved to the world. For instance, Nick Vuijeick, a person who was born without hands and legs, is able to do everything without anyone's help -- swimming, playing soccer, taking shower, etc. Of course, it takes lots of tears and sweats to be like him now. He once had a feeling of hopeless with himself until he decided to just give his life another chance. He started to practice how to eat with his thighs, put on his shirt from his head, etc. This proves that people who were born with disabilities can also be successful without having natural talent. Another reason why is that most people who think by having the talent without any practice tend to be lazy and ignore everything. In other words, they think they do not need any extra essentials to make them even more successful. Meanwhile, in reality, many athletes who pour their effort by giving their best and stretching themselves to the limits tend to be more successful. To illustrate, Damian Liliard, an NBA player, never thought to be this successful just by being a basketball player. What makes him becoming this famous and pro is his hard work and many practices every night; even after he encountered a hurtful event back then. Moreover, there are no family members who play basketball. This concludes that having natural ability can make you successful, but adding effort can make you even more. To conclude, no matter how good the athletes are, but none of them could be compared with them who give their time and effort to be a better athlete. Although many athletes are successful because of their natural ability, but not few people who were born with disabilities are successful too. Personally, not only in sports, but any other fields, talent is just the 20% of our success, while hard work and many practices are the 80%. With that being said, I disagree with the consensus of natural ability is the key to success for athletes.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Althoughh
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were born
with disabilities are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
too.
Personally
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in sports,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
any other fields, talent is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the 20% of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practices
are the 80%. With that
being said
, I disagree with the consensus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
is the key to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
for athletes.

The reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have proved to the world.
For instance
, Nick
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vuijeick
, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was born
without hands and legs, is able to do everything without anyone's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
-- swimming, playing soccer, taking shower, etc.
Of course
, it takes lots of tears and sweats to be like him
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. He once had a feeling of hopeless with himself until he decided to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
give his life another chance. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
how to eat with his thighs, put on his shirt from his head, etc. This proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were born
with disabilities can
also
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
without having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
talent.

Another reason why is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
by having the talent without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
tend to be lazy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
everything.
In other words
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they do not need any extra essentials to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them even more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. Meanwhile, in reality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
pour their effort by giving their best and stretching themselves to the limits tend to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. To illustrate, Damian
Possible spelling mistake found.
Liliard
, an NBA player, never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by being a basketball player. What
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
him becoming this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and pro is his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practices
every night; even after he encountered a hurtful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
back then.
Moreover
, there are no family members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play basketball. This concludes that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
adding effort can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you even more.

To conclude
, no matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
none of them could
be compared
with them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
give their time and effort to be a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were born
with disabilities are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
too.
Personally
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in sports,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
any other fields, talent is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the 20% of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practices
are the 80%. With that
being said
, I disagree with the consensus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
is the key to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
62Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
418 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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