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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views. v.19

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 19
The access to reach a good well-being is debatable. Some support to open more sport centres, while some people believe that other measurements can greatly impact towards the body health. This essay will discuss both views in details and will provide the associate examples. To start with, providing more health facilities to the society can increase their active lifestyle. This is because of the fact that they will get motivated and inspired by seeing others working-out. For instance, research discovered that in comparison to Sydney, Melbourne has a lower obesity percentage of 50% compared to 75% among the adults. Upon completing survey, it was suggested that there are more than 3 different gyms within the same area, hence allowing people to easily go to the gym. Therefore, offering further sport centres to the community can impact their lifestyle and health to some extent. On the other hand, maintaining the food intake and reducing hazardous habit are the other measurements to be healthy. This is because of the extreme diseases that generally occur from frequently doing those activities such as heart attack, artery complication and cancer. According to 'The Economist', smoking and air pollution contribute to the 20% death rate annually in India, while obesity and low nutrition follow at 25%. Ultimately, food intake and avoiding bad habit can greatly affect the society's well-being. To conclude, based on the essay above, although sport facilities may encourage the society to have an active lifestyle, having a good food habit and avoiding bad activities can improve the overall general public health.
The access to reach a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
well-being is debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
support to open more sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measurements can
greatly
impact towards the body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This essay will discuss both views in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and will provide the associate examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities to the society can increase their active lifestyle. This is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated and inspired by seeing others working-out.
For instance
, research discovered that
in comparison
to Sydney, Melbourne has a lower obesity percentage of 50% compared to 75% among the adults. Upon completing survey, it
was suggested
that there are more than 3
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
gyms within the same area,
hence
allowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
easily
go to the gym.
Therefore
, offering
further
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to the community can impact their lifestyle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, maintaining the food intake and reducing hazardous habit are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measurements to be healthy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the extreme diseases that
generally
occur from
frequently
doing those activities such as heart attack, artery complication and cancer. According to 'The Economist', smoking and air pollution contribute to the 20% death rate
annually
in India, while obesity and low nutrition follow at 25%.
Ultimately
, food intake and avoiding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit can
greatly
affect the society's well-being.

To conclude
, based on the essay above, although sport facilities may encourage the society to have an active lifestyle, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
food habit and avoiding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
overall
Consider using "public".
general public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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