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¬¬¬¬¬Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.18

¬¬¬¬¬Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 18
Declining biodiversity is a serious issue and the entire world has been encountered by this since last few years. This essay will look what are the problems and causes of this scenario. First and foremost reason of reduction of biological diversity is that illegal hunting and poaching of animal for either food or medicine. This has resulted in some animals specious to become endangered level. Take Indian elephants as an example, this animal has been hunted for tusks, which costs millions of dollars in black markets. Currently, in India, the number of this specious decreased dramatically and the government made it illegal possessing this unless the owner gets authorization letter from the authority. Another point is taken into account here is that, due to the advancement in the all walks of life: population explosion, industrialization and developments of housing facilities, require more space needed, which often lead the mankind to invade forests and animal habitats. This, eventually, result in destruction of ecological diversity. Since, experiencing imbalance in the ecosystem has a large repercussion to the planet earth. This is because each and every flora and fauna depend each other. Any break in the chain of this equilibrium can affect others too, for instance, When the number of frogs reduce can assist in the growth of grasshoppers, these insects eat crops and the mankind suffers from famine. Similarly, as frogs decline, other animals which eat frogs as their food also affected as they cannot find any food. Apart from this, medical research and experiments get affected as they could not find suitable testing animals. By way of conclusion, maintaining ecological balance essential for the existence of the world. However, because of man’s uncontrolled activities harm the nature drastically.
Declining biodiversity is a serious issue and the entire world has
been encountered
by this since last few years. This essay will look what are the problems and causes of this scenario.

First
and foremost reason of reduction of biological diversity is that illegal hunting and poaching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
for either food or medicine. This has resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
specious to become endangered level. Take Indian elephants as an example, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
has
been hunted
for tusks, which costs millions of dollars in black markets.
Currently
, in India, the number of this specious decreased
dramatically
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
made it illegal possessing this unless the owner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
authorization letter from the authority. Another point
is taken
into account here is that, due to the advancement in the all walks of life: population explosion, industrialization and developments of housing facilities, require more space needed, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lead the mankind to invade forests and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
habitats. This,
eventually
, result in destruction of ecological diversity.

“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
, experiencing imbalance in the ecosystem has a large repercussion to the planet earth. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each and every flora and fauna
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depend on".
depend
each other. Any break in the chain of this equilibrium can affect others too,
for instance
, When the number of frogs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
can assist in the growth of grasshoppers, these insects eat crops and the mankind suffers from famine.
Similarly
, as frogs decline, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which eat frogs as their food
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
as they cannot find any food. Apart from this, medical research and experiments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
as they could not find suitable testing animals.

By way of conclusion, maintaining ecological balance essential for the existence of the world.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
’s uncontrolled activities harm the nature
drastically
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay ¬¬¬¬¬Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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