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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v.17

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 17
People are becoming more and more conscious about their health nowadays. Some of them thought to make it possible by increasing the number of sports facilities while others think that it would just have a little impact on fitness and other factors are required to be considered. This essay will discuss why sports has its benefits in improving fitness, but why other measures are required to put under consideration which will have better effect on public well being. Most of us believe that sports are the best way to improve health and rising the number of sports will help us to do so. We feel the physical strain while playing and due to releasing of sweat, the fat will be lessened in amount. Moreover, our muscles become stronger than before and we feel energetic too. The athletes are the best example for this. In short, Sports can improve our health. However, few of us believe that there are a number of reasons behind improving the well being and sports only can help to achieve it to some extent but not fully. Healthy diet, regular exercise, meditation, positive attitude, mental stability, etc. Are those factors which are also significantly important as sports. For example, Most of the sportsmen spend 2-3 hours daily in the gym in order to achieve fitness and follow a proper diet for being healthy. Hence, it is also necessary to focus on other factors also and not just in sports. Fitness should not be taken for granted and we should be aware of that. This essay discussed why sports are necessary to be healthy, but why other measures are important as well. In my opinion, We should not be dependent only on sports, but we should also focus on other measures like diet and exercise etc. The combination of all these factors can help us to achieve our goal best.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are becoming more and more conscious about their health nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it possible by increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
impact on fitness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are required
to
be considered
. This essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has its benefits in improving fitness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures
are required
to put under consideration which will have better effect on public
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.

Most of us believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health and rising the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. We feel the physical strain while playing and due to releasing of sweat, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
will
be lessened
in amount.
Moreover
, our muscles become stronger than
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
before and
we feel energetic too. The athletes are the best example for this. In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our health.

However
, few of us believe that there are a number of reasons behind improving the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to achieve it to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
fully
. Healthy diet, regular exercise, meditation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude, mental stability, etc. Are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which are
also
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For example
, Most of the sportsmen spend 2-3 hours daily in the gym in order to achieve fitness and follow a proper diet for being healthy.
Hence
, it is
also
necessary to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
also
and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in sports.

Fitness should not
be taken
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
granted and
we should be aware of that. This essay discussed why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are necessary to be healthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as well
. In my opinion, We should not be dependent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should
also
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures like diet and exercise etc. The combination of all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to achieve our goal best.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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