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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.16

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 16
Improving public health is one of the most debated topics in the modern world. Some believe that increasing the number of sports facilities will help in improving the public health, whereas others argue that the impact is very minimal and one should focus on other measures that are more effective. In my opinion, both the sections are correct in their own views and we should consider a balanced approach evaluating pros and cons. Sports had always been associated with physical health. It is widely believed that, the best possible way to improve public health is by encouraging citizens to actively play sports. But, in many places, people are not equipped with sufficient number of facilities because the existing facilities are either too far away to access or always over crowded which makes it difficult for them to practice. For instance, in my city, there is only one such place which is always crowded. So the best way is to increase the sports complexes. On the other hand, many argue that sports have negligible effect on public health. They think, sports are one of the many activities which keeps a human healthier. Other activities like Yoga, Strength and Conditioning and so on have proven to be effective. Many countries like India, China is actively promoting these believing they are more effective in improving public health. It is also argued that taxation helps to an extent. For example, sugar tax in Europe, cess on tobacco products, bans on alcohol in many countries are widely believed to have contributed to a healthier public. In my opinion, while increasing facilities is one way to improve public health, it really lies in the hands of people. Anybody can just provide a platform to help anyone make the right choice but making the right choice lies with that person. I believe, public awareness and willingness to be healthy is what matters in improving the public health. To conclude, governments may increase sport facilities, take other measures like the taxation, prohibiting some items and so on to improve public health, but they are not useful if citizens are not utilising them. No matter how much or how little a country spends, it depends on the citizen's resolve to be healthy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is one of the most debated topics in the modern world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improving
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, whereas others argue that the impact is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minimal and one should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures that are more effective. In my opinion, both the sections are correct in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
views and
we should consider a balanced approach evaluating pros and cons.

Sports had always
been associated
with physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. It is
widely
believed that, the best possible way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is by encouraging citizens to
actively
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not equipped with sufficient number of facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the existing facilities are either too far away to access or always over crowded which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for them to practice.
For instance
, in my city, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one such place which is always crowded.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the best way is to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
complexes.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have negligible effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
a human healthier.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
activities like Yoga, Strength and Conditioning and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on have proven to be effective.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries like India, China is
actively
promoting these believing they are more effective in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. It is
also
argued that taxation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to an extent.
For example
, sugar tax in Europe,
Possible spelling mistake found.
cess
on tobacco products, bans on alcohol in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are
widely
believed to have contributed to a healthier public.

In my opinion, while increasing facilities is one way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, it
really
lies in the hands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Anybody can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
provide a platform to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
anyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
making the right choice lies with that person. I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
awareness and willingness to be healthy is what matters in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improving
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
may increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities, take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures like the taxation, prohibiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
items and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are not useful if citizens are not
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
them. No matter how much or how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
a country spends, it depends on the citizen's resolve to be healthy.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 16

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
373 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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