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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.13

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 13
Some would argue that increasing the number of sports facilities in the country will improve people’s health, while others say that it will not have much effect and other means should be implemented. While inclusion of more sports grounds will certainly make them more accessible to the public, I believe that people need to be motivated in order to utilize such facilities efficiently. On the one hand, increasing the number of sports facilities will save people’s time and allow them to exercise more often. One of the biggest excuses that people have for not performing any fitness activity is the lack of time, either due to their school or office. If the facilities are located closer to an individual’s home or workplace, he is more likely to use them. For example, big tech companies like Microsoft and Amazon have installed gyms for their employees at their workplace, and this has led to a decrease in health problems among the staff. However, I believe that sports facilities alone cannot improve public well-being because majority of people consume junk food and ignore their long-term effects on their health. On the other hand, it is thought that opening more sports facilities will have minimal effect on public health because people are not motivated to use them. In today’s fast life, people tend to prioritize other personal commitments over their health, and opening more facilities is not going to change their mind. For example, a recent survey conducted by the American Health Association found that only 30% of people use the gym facilities in their building. I believe that motivating the general public, by different means such as public awareness campaigns, is a far better option. In conclusion, although opening more sports facilities is good for the people, it does not solve the underlying problem of demotivation, and that is why other measures like public awareness campaigns might be a more viable option.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in the country will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, while others say that it will not have much effect and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
means should
be implemented
. While inclusion of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
grounds will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more accessible to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
be motivated
in order to utilize such facilities
efficiently
.

On the one hand, increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to exercise more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
. One of the biggest excuses that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have for not performing any fitness activity is the lack of time, either due to their school or office. If the facilities
are located
closer to an individual’s home or workplace, he is more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
tech
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Microsoft and Amazon have installed gyms for their employees at their workplace, and this has led to a decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems among the staff.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities alone cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
well-being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume junk food and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their long-term effects on their health.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that opening more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will have minimal effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not motivated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to prioritize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
personal commitments over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and opening more facilities is not going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their mind.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Association found that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the gym facilities in their building. I believe that motivating the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
means such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
awareness campaigns, is a far better option.

In conclusion
, although opening more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it does not solve the underlying problem of
Possible spelling mistake found.
demotivation
, and
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
awareness campaigns might be a more viable option.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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