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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sporting facilities, others however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sporting facilities, others however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required v. 1
Some would argue that the most effective way to enhance public health is by raising the number of sporting facilities, while others say this would have a minor change and that other measures are needed. Although increasing sporting facilities would help them exercise frequently, I believe people need to be educated on public health to prevent illness. On the one hand, some believe that building more sporting centers would help people to exercise more which will improve their health. This is because the price of these facilities would be reduced and more people would be able to sign up at these centers to exercise and stay healthy without visiting the hospital. For example, In Nigeria, the Daily Sports reported that there has been an increase in people who registered at various sports centers to exercise because of low cost registration payment. However, I believe that this does not solve the actual problem because most people spend lots of money on registration at these facilities. On the other hand, other people would say that education on health is taught to be a major improvement in public health. The reason is that by educating people through the media and in schools on public health, they tend to get a better understanding on the information being given to them to prevent illness. For example, a study from the Metropolitan Teaching Hospital reported that the rate of malaria infection had dropped from 60% to 30% because people adhered to the public lecture on malaria in 2019. I believe this is a preferable solution because educating people on health issues improves their well being and reduce their visit to hospitals. To conclude, although expanding sporting facilities might help people to keep fit, it does not improve their health entirely and that is why it is more important to educate people on health issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that the most effective way to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is by raising the number of sporting facilities, while others say this would have a minor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures
are needed
. Although increasing sporting facilities would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
frequently
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
be educated
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illness.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that building more sporting centers would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
more which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the price of these facilities would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up at these centers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and stay healthy without visiting the hospital.
For example
, In Nigeria, the Daily Sports reported that there has been an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who registered at various sports centers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of low cost registration payment.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this does not solve the actual problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend lots of money on registration at these facilities.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would say that education on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is taught
to be a major improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The reason is that by educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through the media and in schools on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better understanding on the information being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illness.
For example
, a study from the Metropolitan Teaching Hospital reported that the rate of malaria infection had dropped from 60% to 30%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adhered to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
lecture on malaria in 2019. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
this is a preferable solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their visit to hospitals.

To conclude
, although expanding sporting facilities might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
entirely
and
that is
why it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sporting facilities, others however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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