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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing sports facilities. Others, however, says that this would have a little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing sports facilities. Others, however, says that this would have a little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 1
Admittedly, public health is one of significant issues in the world. While there is a category of people who advocate the idea of the rise of the number of sports facilities to enhance people’s well-being, others believe that there have been other approaches besides sports because they have a small effect on well-being. This essay thinks that sports are adequate for public health. In the following lines, both sides of this argument will be further shown. To begin with, the growth of the number of sports facilities has a great impact on public health. Because if the government has provided different sorts of sports for the population, it would engage people to do sports, which in turns it has dramatically positive effect on their health because the possibility of getting different diseases such as heart problems and obesity would be lessened. for instance, according to a research study in The American University in Cairo, people who do sports have an access to illness less than the ones, who do not play, by 60%. Consequently, it would be fair to comment that doing sports plays a vital role in our health sports has to be provided for everyone. Nevertheless, there are many other methods that are associated with public health and are worth mentioning in addition to sports as there are many people who do not have enough time to do sports because of the nature of their work or study. One of them is to aware people by hazardous consequences of detrimental habits like smoking and eating fast food. For example, according to an article in The Economist newspaper, in Germany, the government puts restrictions about advertisements on tv about fast food and prevents any pieces of advertising about smoking and alcoholism because youngsters may get attracted to such habits easily, and this leads to a huge impact on citizen’s health since the number of smokers reduced by 30% the following year after sanction this law. Thus, it is recommended that the media have to aware people from the hazards of the myriad impacts around them like smoking or drugs, and parents also mentor their dependents in their behaviour. Having illustrated the aforementioned ideas above, it can be concluded that public health can be developed by myriad ways including sports. But I believe that the government hat to allocate a proportion of its spending for providing different kinds of sports for citizens.
Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is one of significant issues in the world. While there is a category of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
advocate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the rise of the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
well-being, others believe that there have been other approaches
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
effect on well-being. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are adequate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In the following lines, both sides of this argument will be
further
shown.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the growth of the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities has a great impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for the population, it would engage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which in turns it has
dramatically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the possibility of getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diseases such as heart problems and obesity would
be lessened
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, according to a research study in The American University in Cairo,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to illness less than the ones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not play, by 60%.
Consequently
, it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to comment that doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
plays a vital role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be provided
for everyone.

Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other methods that
are associated
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and are worth mentioning
in addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the nature of their work or study. One of them is to aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by hazardous consequences of detrimental habits like smoking and eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.
For example
, according to an article in The Economist newspaper, in Germany, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
puts restrictions about advertisements on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
any pieces of advertising about smoking and alcoholism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
youngsters may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to such habits
easily
, and this leads to a huge impact on citizen’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
since the number of smokers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by 30% the following year after sanction this law.
Thus
, it
is recommended
that the media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the hazards of the myriad impacts around them like smoking or drugs, and parents
also
mentor their dependents in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Having illustrated the aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
above, it can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
can
be developed
by myriad ways including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
hat to allocate a proportion of its spending for providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for citizens.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing sports facilities. Others, however, says that this would have a little effect on public health and that other measures are required. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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