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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing number of sports facilities, others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing number of sports facilities, others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. v. 1
The importance of increased sporting facilities on the health of the populace is debatable. While some believe this will tremendously bring about improvement in the wellbeing of people, others claim there are better options in achieving it. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument, and give reasons why other approaches are more beneficial. On the one hand, some argue that if more sport facilities are built most especially in the cities, health challenges relating to sedentary lifestyle will drastically reduce. In other words, cardiac diseases and some malignancies which usually stem from obesity will be curtailed when people become more active with these equipments. Children will also benefit from this development whenever they accompany their parents to access these innovations, which will give birth to healthier progeny of populace. To illustrate, provision of higher number of gym centres, games park, tennis court will facilitate people having more active leisure time rather than watching television or playing video games. On the other hand, others believe existing sports facilities have achieved marginal positive effect on the public wellbeing, and advocate for effective measures including health promotion and better medical care services, which I agree. Over the years, former approach had brought negligible outcome despite people having access to it, because they are ignorant of healthy lifestyles. Health information that addresses damaging effect of high calorie diet, over reliance on private cars rather than public transport, as implicating factors in the development of obesity and associated complications. Furthermore, prompt and effective health care delivery such as immunization, treatment of common illnesses and rehabilitation will be a welcomed development on the health of the citizens. To conclude, having considered varying views, I believe effective health care services and healthy living education will have an obvious effect in promoting the populace health, rather than constructing more sports complexes.
The importance of increased sporting facilities on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the populace is debatable. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe this will
tremendously
bring about improvement in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, others claim there are better options in achieving it. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument, and give reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
approaches are more beneficial.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that if more sport facilities
are built
most
especially
in the cities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
challenges relating to sedentary lifestyle will
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, cardiac diseases and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
malignancies which
usually
stem from obesity will
be curtailed
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more active with these equipments. Children will
also
benefit from this development whenever they accompany their parents to access these innovations, which will give birth to healthier progeny of populace. To illustrate, provision of higher number of gym
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, games park, tennis court will facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having more active leisure time
rather
than watching television or playing video games.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others believe existing sports facilities have achieved marginal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the public
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
, and advocate for effective measures including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
promotion and better medical care services, which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. Over the years, former approach had brought negligible outcome despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having access to it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are ignorant of healthy lifestyles.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
information that addresses damaging effect of high calorie diet, over reliance on private cars
rather
than public transport, as implicating factors in the development of obesity and associated complications.
Furthermore
, prompt and effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care delivery such as immunization, treatment of common illnesses and rehabilitation will be a welcomed development on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the citizens.

To conclude
, having considered varying views, I believe effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care services and healthy living education will have an obvious effect in promoting the populace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
rather
than constructing more sports complexes.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing number of sports facilities, others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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