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Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. 2
There have been some controversy over whether sport centers should be increased in other to boost the health status of the public or whether some other methods should be tried. In my opinion, health education can be utilized. It is often argued by some individuals that in order to have quality health, athletic centers should be increased. This, they believe will help people to keep fit without being denied of class because of space or proximity. It is believed that if there is at least 5 centers in a community, residents would have access to whichever is close and have quality training. Also availability of more sporting centers draw people' s attention especially those that need to talk or relate with people. For instance, a young widower often visit a tennis center in his vicinity in order to mix with people and prevent depression. Hence, this improve the mental health of people. Others might disagree and claim increase in sport facilities will only have little or no effect on people' s health status. They claim that there are other methods to look into that can be of help such as health education on dietary intake and lifestyle. Proponents of this claim diet is a key to improving the well-being of people, this is because diet relates to many disease conditions like obesity, diabetes, heart conditions and lots more. For instance, the parents of a 5year old child weighing 40kg were happy because their son was chubby until he was diagnosed with a heart disease. If only they have have been informed of the complications of excess fat, they would have monitored his diet and possible sedentary lifestyle. In conclusion, it is my view that medical advice will be best in improving the well-being of the public. This should include dietary, lifestyle, and extent of exercise.
There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
controversy over whether sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
should
be increased
in other to boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status of the public or whether
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other methods should
be tried
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education can
be utilized
.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that in order to have quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, athletic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
should
be increased
. This, they believe will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit without
being denied
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of space or proximity. It
is believed
that if there is at least 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
in a community, residents would have access to whichever is close and have quality training.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
availability of more sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
draw
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s attention
especially
those that need to talk or relate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, a young widower
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
visit a tennis center in his vicinity in order to mix with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
depression.
Hence
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Others might disagree and claim increase in sport facilities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no effect on
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status. They claim that there are other methods to look into that can be of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education on dietary intake and lifestyle. Proponents of this claim diet is a key to improving the well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
diet relates to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disease conditions like obesity, diabetes, heart conditions and lots more.
For instance
, the parents of a 5year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
child weighing
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "40 kg"
40kg
were happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their son was chubby until he
was diagnosed
with a heart disease. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they
Possible typo: you repeated a word
have have
been informed
of the complications of excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, they would have monitored his diet and possible sedentary lifestyle.

In conclusion
, it is my view that medical advice will be best in improving the well-being of the public. This should include dietary, lifestyle, and extent of exercise.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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