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Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. 1
Some people argue that it is pointless to spend money on the protection of wildlife because we humans have no need for them. I completely disagree with this point of view. In my opinion, it is absurd to argue that wild animals have no place in the 21st century. I do not believe that planet Earth exists only for the benefit of humans, and there is nothing special about this particular century that means that we suddenly have the right to allow or encourage the extinction of any species. Furthermore, there is no persuasive reason why we should let animals die out. We do not need to exploit or destroy every last square metre of land in order to feed or accommodate the world’s population. There is plenty of room for us to exist side by side with wild animals, and this should be our aim. I also disagree with the idea that protecting animals is a waste of resources. It is usually the protection of natural habitats that ensures the survival of wild animals, and most scientists agree that these habitats are also crucial for human survival. For example, rainforests produce oxygen, absorb carbon dioxide and stabilise the Earth’s climate. If we destroyed these areas, the costs of managing the resulting changes to our planet would far outweigh the cost of conservation. By protecting wild animals and their habitats, we maintain the natural balance of all life on Earth. In conclusion, we have no right to decide whether or not wild animals should exist, and I believe that we should do everything we can to protect them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it is pointless to spend money on the protection of wildlife
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we humans have no need for them. I completely disagree with this point of view.

In my opinion, it is absurd to argue that wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have no place in the 21st century. I do not believe that planet Earth exists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the benefit of humans, and there is nothing special about this particular century that means that we
suddenly
have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
or encourage the extinction of any species.
Furthermore
, there is no persuasive reason why we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out. We do not need to exploit or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
every last square
Possible spelling mistake. 'metre' is British English.
metre
of land in order to feed or accommodate the world’s population. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of room for us to exist side by side with wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, and this should be our aim.

I
also
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is a waste of resources. It is
usually
the protection of natural habitats that ensures the survival of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, and most scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these habitats are
also
crucial for human survival.
For example
, rainforests produce oxygen, absorb carbon dioxide and
Possible spelling mistake. 'stabilise' is British English.
stabilise
the Earth’s climate. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
these areas, the costs of managing the resulting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to our planet would far outweigh the cost of conservation. By protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and their habitats, we maintain the natural balance of all life on Earth.

In conclusion
, we have no right to decide
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should exist, and I believe that we should do everything we can to protect them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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