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Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.5

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. v. 5
These days, eating fast foods and using mobile and computers is becoming increasingly popular among youth. Even parents are providing their children with these modern gadgets. Many people feel that the eating habits and the way of living got changed from the past generation damaging health of kids. I completely agree with the point and in this essay I will discuss my opinion with relevant examples. Firstly, fast foods had become daily routine for youngsters. For example, children like to have fried items and burgers compared to vegetables and salads. They often skip the meal if they don't find any of these, due to which parents are forced to buy these items. These eatables which have high fat contents causes obesity and high blood pressure. Additionally, modern kids have very bad sleeping hours. These bad sleeping patterns can cause mental stress and pressure for kid's. Definitely healthy food habits from past generation has changed drastically leaving new diseases. Secondly, computer and mobile phones are the reason why youth is not spending much time playing outdoors with friends. These virtual games take children's interest completely towards them, they often reward players with prizes and arrange competitions among other players leaving kids choose them upon outdoor activities. These kind of addiction can generate early eye sight and headache problems. In addition to this, children watch more television shows instead of reading books. Watching cartoons and other programs have a direct impact on child's imagination and creativity in a negative manner. Finally, they left meeting friends outside social media, due to which they don't know what is going around them. In conclusion, bad food habits and excessive use of electronic gadgets have very bad consequences on children. There can be serious health issues and decline in physical fitness. I think parents should not encourage their pupils having foods from KFC or MC Donalds and they should monitor the usage of mobile and computer for gaming and instead allowing them to meet friends.
These days, eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and using mobile and computers is becoming
increasingly
popular among youth. Even parents are providing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with these modern gadgets.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that the eating habits and the way of living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from the past generation damaging health of kids. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the point and in this essay I will discuss my opinion with relevant examples.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
had become daily routine for youngsters.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like to have fried items and burgers compared to vegetables and salads. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
skip the meal if they don't find any of these, due to which parents
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these items. These eatables which have high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
contents causes obesity and high blood pressure.
Additionally
, modern kids have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
sleeping hours. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
sleeping patterns can cause mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure for kid's. Definitely healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits from past generation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
drastically
leaving new diseases.

Secondly
, computer and mobile phones are the reason why youth is not spending much time playing outdoors with friends. These virtual games take children's interest completely towards them, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
reward players with prizes and arrange competitions among other players leaving kids choose them upon outdoor activities.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of addiction can generate early
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
and headache problems.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
more television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
instead
of reading books. Watching cartoons and other programs have a direct impact on child's imagination and creativity in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
manner.
Finally
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
meeting friends outside social media, due to which they don't know what is going around them.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits and excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic gadgets have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
consequences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There can be serious health issues and decline in physical fitness.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
parents should not encourage their pupils having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
from KFC or MC
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Donalds and
they should monitor the usage of mobile and computer for gaming and
instead
allowing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
friends.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. v. 5

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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